BACK OFF CANCER !!!

2 years journey ! No words needed!

2009-10-23T02:04:00.011+02:00

From 13 steps to 13 miles

2009-09-27T03:18:00.003+02:00

Dear Friends:

As many of you know, I recently celebrated a very special milestone in cancer world: 2 years in remission. I AM SO LUCKY! For the few out there that are not familiar with the subject, studies show that the recurrence of cancer is higher during the first 2 years after treatment.

Cancer has not left my life though. Paired with the side effects of an aggressive chemo treatment , Cancer wanted to get close to me in another form ; My Dad. My gorgeous , young , charming father has been fighting a courageous battle with metastasized cancer since this past spring and while there are better days than others we are lucky that he has had an incredible team of doctors and while at first we thought that he wasn't going to make it till Christmas we are now very optimistic that Santa will have a gift for him in his bag. Maybe it will even be in the form of remission, a cancer free life.

I am about to celebrate all that I am grateful for by joining other survivors and caregiver in San Francisco for the NIKE Half- Marathon benefiting The Lymphoma and Leukemia Society on October 18.

When I was sick I often talked about the humbling moment when I was just not able to take the 13 flights of steps in my house. I started it and half way through it I had to sit down, take my breath and then continue. So now I can look into cancer 's eye and say : "-take that! Now I will be running/walking 13 MILES as the half marathon". I am doing this in honor of my father and the people that are now undergoing treatment and are facing "their 13 steps".

I am personally making a donation as my family and I are grateful for the research efforts of the LLS. With no obligation to act , here is my fundraising page that I just put together as so many of you have so generously asked me about.

Although 2 years have gone by, not a day goes by that I don't stop, say a prayer and thank the universe for the love that I received from you during the trying times of my treatment and beyond. Many of you deserve a piece of this celebration. So, on Oct 18th, weather in SF or anywhere around the world, please raise a glass of bubbles and celebrate LIFE!

with much love

Francesca, Carsten and Leonardo

Some cancer facts and for more please visit :www.livestrong.org

There are more than 10.5 million cancer survivors living in the United States today. This number has more than tripled in the past 30 years. The number of survivors will grow as the population ages and progress against cancer continues.

1.4 million Americans are expected to be diagnosed with cancer this year. 560,000 Americans are expected to die from cancer this year, or more than 1,500 per day.

Nearly 1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women will develop cancer during their lifetime.

Within the next decade, cancer is likely to replace heart disease as the leading cause of death in the U.S. It is already the biggest killer of those under the age of 85. Today 65% of adults diagnosed with cancer will be alive five years after diagnosis, up from 50% in the 1970s. African-American men and women have the highest mortality rates for all cancer sites combined.

While dramatic survival improvements have been achieved in patients diagnosed with cancer at age 15 or younger and steady improvement has been made against a number of cancers common among those over age 40, little or no progress has been seen in the adolescent and young adult population. In fact, among those aged 25 to 35 years, survival has not improved in more than two decades.

Lesson : Friendship---- CHECK!

2009-02-21T08:55:00.002+01:00

If you have had any "deep " conversation with me during the past 2 years since my diagnosis you for sure have heard that one my fears, and probably my only BIG fear, was to leave Leonardo too soon . A mother leaving a child would always seem soon but what I feared was that I would not be able to share with L. some of my deep values and my passions. Sure he would have heard stories and read journals but I wanted to live and experience the moment with him.

I am blessed in many ways, and my friendships are my most valued asset. I just plain LOVE my friends. They come in all shapes and colors. They love from the Grateful Dead to Britney Spears. Some are Pro life, some a pro choice. Some a pot head hippies and some are living the high life somewhere around the globe. Some I need our daily interaction as much as a lifeline while others I have only shared few moments together . But some things I assure you they all have in common. They are all lovely people. They would not hurt an animal or a child. They would save the environment. They would do "the right thing".

The lesson of friendship was a very important one for me to teach / share with L. I knew that if he saw my relationship with my friends, how much I love them, respect them, and miss them that he would learn the lesson , without it having to be thought.

Yesterday L. had his best mate here for a sleep over. Their friendship is special. I can feel it. They were going crazy, like 5 year old boys should . And after a long time of "monster noises", giggles, pillow fights, I suddenly heard SILENCE from the boys room.

Carefully I opened the door, and they were passed out...each on their own bed ...with arms stretched out ..... HOLDING HANDS.

And at that moment with my heart filled with joy I heard the Universe telling me.... LESSON LEARNED!

A Brilliant LIFE!

2009-02-03T12:38:00.002+01:00

Not often people can touch you and your life in immense form. Even more rarely is when you have never met the person . My admiration for Shin was bigger than that. And I continue to admire her even after she has left this life.

I wanted to write about her . But I believe that the eulogy from her husband is a much more fitting one.

Rest well Shin NA! And Thank you!

For shins story please visit:
http://shinscancerblog.blogspot.com/

big kiss
xo

Dear Cancer:

2009-01-07T07:53:00.002+01:00

Look into my eyes. I think you will see that fear is being replaced with Hope and a bit of Rage. If I were you I would be really , really scared.

So I have news for you: Pay close attention!

- I will not close myself in a dark room and cry with fears that you are getting close to me again.
- I will not be paralyzed just expecting you to come visit again.. .I AM FIGHTING AGAINST YOU and like Amy says... I am playing DEFENSE
- I will not longer be afraid of a move because that may mean new doctors/insurances/etc... We ARE moving ... and I will show you that my fight will be better and stronger.
- I will no longer just HOPE for a cure to send you back to the ugly place you came from.. I will be actively involved in actions and organizations that have CURE CANCER on their business plans.

It 's ok Cancer... are you scared? It is ok..

Just Bow to me and walk/stay away .. I have my life, my family that need me without having ALWAYS your stupid name coming up.

Oh ..and one more thing: remember all the weight ( literally ) that you left behind??? yes , that one from all the *shit* you had me take so I could stay alive and Kick your ass??? Oh... I am happy to tell you that that too is on its way out. I am back on my skinny jeans ( oh, skinny for me at least! :) )

So Cancer... SAYONARA ... bye bye...tchuss ! Go get lost ! I am seriously DONE with you.

big kiss
xo
fg

A Big Step ..

2008-12-29T14:55:00.004+01:00

As you can see I changed the picture. I was very , VERY , reluctant to do it. It almost feels like cheating and "jinxing myself".

This blog is about cancer and LIFE WITH CANCER .

" Cancer may leave your body but it never leaves your mind"

But it is done.. and in a cautious way it represent a new chapter. This blog will be less about cancer and more about living.

I hope you like the picture. Specially M and Tia Vi!
big kisses

Thank You Santa!

2008-12-17T16:21:00.003+01:00

I am happy you came early and that you gave me the best gift!
CLEAN SCANS!
xo

Dear Santa...

2008-12-15T17:01:00.005+01:00

I have been a good girl.. and there is only one wish on my list ... a bit early I ask you ...
thank you

Cancer : The Terrorist

2008-12-04T16:22:00.003+01:00

I have a friend who makes fun of my cancer analogies.

Last week as I watched the terrorist attacks in Bombay I could not help but think that the terrorist were acting like cancer. They were shooting anyone in sight. No reason ( even if some reports have confirmed that they were targeting and aimed to a specific group)

As my heart clinged in watching live on CNN these shootings , I compared them with my most recent Dr visit and its waiting room. A collective of lives. The elderly couple who seemed to be confortable in where they were, the mid forties gentleman who was busy with his iPhone but that thinning hair and a suit that clearly seemed too loose for fashion showed that maybe he was mid way through treatment. A woman who was biting her nails and I overheard her tell that that was her first appointment and she was waiting to hear what the tests showed. A young man, maybe 25 , bald but looking somewhat healthy. And then me.

Where is the analogy?

Well, much like people in Bombay that were dodging the terrorist bullets. .we were all there, trying to dodge the cancer bullet. Some were avoiding it for the 1st time, while others had suffered an attack before but were hiding in a dark corner so the cancer bullet did not hit them. I fall in that category, ... I hide , in the darkest spot, I stay quiet, I wait to hear that is all clear. But unlike the terrorist, No one is catching cancer and if it wants to get me.. it will.. I cant hide.

But I am hiding, staying very very quiet, and gratefully that Terrorist cancer has left me alone... it has plenty of other people to aim to.

This sounds a bit depressing, SORRY! It is not what is meant to . I feel good and hopeful that the beast will stay away. I am trying to take some steps in my lifestyle that will even diminishes the chance of the beast coming back. But the fear sometimes is just as raw as it was 17 months ago. If I sneeze one time too many, if I sweat a little bit a night, if I "think I feel something"...

But all is good... and I continue to be very very grateful and trying to find this such elusive place as "Moving ON"...

with much love and a belated thanksgiving to all
with love
xo
fg

The Hug Saint

2008-10-19T19:10:00.002+02:00

I love Hugs, I believe the act of hugging someone is a beautiful one and I make a point of hugging my loved ones when we say good buy or just for no reason. We have a tradition in our house that before L. goes to bed, we give a Family Hug. I am not sure how it started but now is a very important ritual that I will carry it forever.

So.... a very dear friend, Caliope, is a devout follower of Amma, or The Hug Saint as she is sometimes referred to. Amma basically wants to HUG the world and save children and woman from suffering in India.

Amma travels a lot to give Darshan ( or HUG thousands of people) . Caliope had mentioned that she received a HUG last year and how the experience had moved her. Amma was in Switzerland last year but I was still to frail to face big crowds so I missed her visit but NOT today. Today the 3 of us received THE BIGGEST GROUP Hug from Amma and it was incredible. I was worried that L. was going to be freaked out with the whole experience but he was totally cool and I dare say he enjoyed that special moment.

I feel very privileged today.. not only for the HUG that I received and for having enjoyed this past year of good health but mostly because tonight, we will have our FAMILY HUG ...

Please hug a loved one today.. and maybe dare a little... hug someone that you are not so close with , hug someone that maybe you had a fight with// but please just HUG because you CAN!

PS: GO AMY !!!!GO!!!! I am so proud of you!

big kiss and a HUGE HUG
with love
xo
fg

The "Why?" phase

2008-10-03T13:13:00.003+02:00

I think L. first word was WHY???, his "why? phase" started as soon as he could speak and I must say that I see no end in sight for that one... He is a "why?" kind of boy....

For now, most of his questions , we are able to answer , some I have to remember early science classes or I have to google the answers.

I do worry when some of his questions will be much harder to answer. Such as "why there are wars?" ; "why people kill one another?"; "why people get cancer?"; "why some people can not receive appropriate care?"; why are people not doing more ???

Those questions will be very very hard to answer, .. I just hope I will be around to try to to find the answers to satisfy this boy's curiosity ...

Big kiss

xo
FG

By popular demand....

2008-09-22T16:48:00.006+02:00

I am posting these pics of my CRAZY hair.... ( Lina: they are for you!!!) and like Amy said: CRAZY hair better then NO HAIR!!!!
big kiss all

Greifensee Lauf

2008-09-20T17:19:00.004+02:00

C. has always been a runner and I have been to endless races and cheered on. When I was pregnant with L. he did a off-road Marathon in Maryland that included several kids races and we then said that one day we were all going to run together. Today was it.

The Greifensee Lauf , in one of the most beautiful places of Switzerland, the weather was Gorgeous and although I did not feel well all week ( major Cold!) , I was so excited to be able to participate. L. ran the 1.2 km ( he said that running "is not his thing") , I then ran the 5.5 KM and C. the half marathon

It was the first "race" post cancer and although the kms were not many I am thrilled to be able to do it and cross the finish line. I was afraid I was going to be last ( and although I wasn't) I know to well that many people facing the big C. can barely walk from their bed to the door and that there are many grieving families out there that would do everything to see their loved ones be the last on a race... Today I ran for Health & Hope!!!

It was special to have us all together ... This day also goes into the Memory Bank!

Big kiss

ONE YEAR IN CH!!!!

2008-09-16T13:32:00.003+02:00

Today marks one year that we have arrived in Switzerland... In spite of some trying times, I am very grateful for the experiences we had here so far.
I am not talking about hiking some incredible mountains, swimming in pristine lakes or eating the most amazing cheeses.
As I think back, moving to a new "universe" paired with learning how to become a cancer survivor and not more a patient was very hard. Harder than what I imagined and have, at times, admitted even to myself.
But as I look back, I can only be proud of my little family. We faced the storms with so much love and understanding. We stood by each other on a good and on a bad day.
Amore: Thank you , for everything!
with love ,
xoxo

A day that changes everything...

2008-09-11T16:38:00.004+02:00

I can't quite believe that it was 7 years ago . I think most people can remember where , with whom they were on 9.11.2001. I was in NYC.. about a 1/2 mile up from the towers. We were working and someone came in the back and said: - A plane ACCIDENTALLY hit the WTC. We ran to a TV and began to watch... and from one plane... it became another, and another .. and from Accidentally.. it became an Act of Terrorism.

Still a bit surreal , what did I think back then that I was going to be doing 7 years later. So much has happened... mostly JUST GOOD.. but also bad, as in cancer.

With all due respect to all people affected by the 9/11 Tragedies... Cancer is much worse than 9/11. Not because I suffered through it... but the numbers are astonishing.

Every day 1500 people die of cancer in the US alone... so ..(again without offending anyone)... cancer kills as many people as 9/11 EVERY 2 DAYS!!!!! Crazy...

And don't get me started on all the money that has been spent by government to make something like a Revenge... or find the people who did it!!!

Please.. bring these kids HOME.... leave the land that IS NOT YOURS... and start spending the money on disease prevention and research ( amongst many others needy causes) ...

So for me.. the day that changed everything ... was 3.21.2007...... My 9/11.

Today I really MISS NEW YORK!!!!

big kiss to everyone...

STAND UP 2 CANCER

2008-09-05T19:49:00.001+02:00

Beyonce: The heart is stronger than you think,
It’s like it can go through anything.
And even when you think it can’t it finds a way to still push on, though

Carrie: Sometimes you want to run away, Ain’t got the patience for the pain
And if you don’t believe it look into, your heart the beat goes on

Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that,

Rihanna/Miley: Things get better, Through whatever

Rihanna: If you fall, dust it off, don’t let up

Sheryl: Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle

Beyonce: You need to know

CHORUS :
Sheryl: If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough, But the heart keeps telling you don’t give up

Sheryl/Beyonce: Who are we to be..questioning, wondering what is what
Don’t give up…THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Fergie: It’s like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face

Leona: Just because you go through it

Fergie: Don’t mean it got to take control, no

Leona: You ain’t gotta find no hiding place

Keyshia: Because the heart can beat the hate

Leona: Don’t wanna let your mind keep playin’ you

Keyshia: And sayin’ you can’t go on

Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that

Miley: Things get better
Through whatever

Rihanna: If you fall

Miley: Dust if off, don’t let up

LeAnn: Don’t you know you

Natasha: Can go

LeAnn: Be your own

Natasha: Miracle

Carrie: You need to know

Ensemble: CHORUS

Mary: You don’t gotta be a prisoner in your mind

Ciara: If you fall, dust it off

Mary: You can live your life

Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah

Mary: Let your heart be your guide

Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah yeah yeah

Mariah: And you will know that you’re good if you trust in the good

Ashanti: Everything will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart

Mary: And it will get better

Mariah: Through whatever

CHORUS

Fergie: You got it in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
Find it within you, find it within

Everyone: THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Thank You

And I breathe...

2008-09-02T16:46:00.001+02:00

it was scary.. very scary.. the blood test showed a very elevated LDH ... which caused everyone to be very worried ....but gratefully my PET of this morning shows me in COMPLETE REMISSION!!!!!
thank you...
thank you ..
thank you

Calling ALL My Angels..

2008-09-01T19:23:00.003+02:00

tomorrow morning I need it.. really need it... Please !

Conquering a Hill!

2008-08-26T09:30:00.002+02:00

I have been back on my bike... and today , I will be conquering a new HILL.. a really big one... but there is nothing that I cannot do... Hills are very metaphoric , and like everything else that seems impossible... yes you can do it!
So Hills, here I come!

Sometimes it is just TO MUCH....

2008-08-18T20:23:00.002+02:00

Sometimes the reality , brutality and unfairness of cancer is just to much.... we, so called survivors, watch fellow cancer sisters and brothers face the beast and sometimes succumb to it... Their fight is our fight... their anger is our anger.. their pain is our pain.. . and their fear is our fear....

Dino: keep on climbing that mountain.. it does seem endless but you will soon see the green on the other side.

Shin: it must have been scary... i have been thinking of you all day... not seeing your post was just too scary... I do hope to continue to "hear " your voice ....

stay strong and LIVESTRONG

How can it be ???

2008-08-18T09:11:00.004+02:00

This past Saturday I got the news that Leroy Sievers had passed away.

I have mentioned Leroy and his "My Cancer " blog very often here.

His blog page began as :

After that day, your life is never the same. "That day" is the day the doctor tells you, "You have cancer." Every one of us knows someone who's had to face that news. It's scary, it's sad. But it's still life, and it's a life worth living. "My Cancer" is a daily account of my life and my fight with cancer.

How can it be that I feel so connected to a man that I have never met? Never spoken to?

How can I ache for his wife ????

But I do... much like I feel connected to many virtual friends that I have made during this journey.

Leroy , with his eloquent but so honest writing wrote what I felt. More than once I actually wanted to post his blog post on my blog. .word by word... because they were so accurate.. But I guess so many people on C world feels that way...

I have contemplated "closing" this blog.. .ENOUGH OF CANCER... but I just cant... if what I write can help.. one person.. .just one.. from near or far... it stays on... this is what Leroy did.. he wrote. .everyday.. the good days when he was sipping Mai Tais in Hawaii and also the bad days when the end was so near....

Go rest my dear Leroy! Go wear Hawaiian shirts, drink Mai Tais and drive your jeep!!!!

xo
fg

I don't know.. just don't know

2008-08-14T16:29:00.002+02:00

I received a couple of emails from friends regarding my upcoming scans asking :

- But you are ok right? Wouldn't you know if something was up? You had to know!

The truth is , .. I just don't know... You see, most people that are diagnosed with Stage IV cancer have some serious symptoms heading to the actual doctor visit, they are feeling pretty tired ..and have lost some serious, unexpected weight.

Well... I had none of this symptoms... ZIP... But I did have an occasional night sweat and , as C. remembers well, ( I don't) , I also complained from a pain on my chest, kind of like "gas pain"... and just the day before I went to the ER . .I was laying at my dear friend and chiropractor table.. and I said these words: - If my heart was on my right side, I would have thought I was having a heart attack .. G. looked at me and called me a drama queen ( I know he feels bad about it.. he doesn't have to) I was what people would have called: The picture of good health.
That pain was a 13 cm tumor pressing on my right lungs.. and that lung had collapsed, but even THAT did not stop me from taking a 90 min kick boxing class that morning....

so you see... I was sick. .really sick... if they had not found this THAT EXACT day.. I had only weeks to leave.... But I felt nothing....

So it comes to the point: WOULD I KNOW ????

No.. I just don't know...
I try to ignore the fact that i sweat at night from time to time.. but it must be the summer and the heavy duvet

I also try to ignore that I sometimes have a pain in my chest .. but it may be the chest work out I did...

and .. if I am tired.. .it must just be that I haven't slept much lately...

so.. I don't know... I just don't....

lots of love

Missing Papayas

2008-08-13T11:43:00.003+02:00

So we went to Brazil and it was great. Like everything that I enjoy for the 1st time after cancer, Brazil had another taste, another vibe... and a better one.
Seeing L. easily fluctuate to Portuguese while he played with his cousins was priceless.. and even the burden of aging parents was meaningful.

I saw old and new friends... L. learn to swim..

And, like it happens , I was also happy to come back home, to "our Switzerland" , as L. calls it.

Now I prepare to some nervous and anxious days as Big scans are coming up end of the month.... but BACK OFF CANCER... is all I say! Stay away big ugly monster ...

big kiss

PS: Ah... and I ate so much Papaya and miss it a lot.

Memories Building Program

2008-07-16T07:57:00.002+02:00

I love the movies. Carsten loves them too. So it is not surprise that Leonardo is fascinated by them as well.

True he loves the magic of Pixar and Dreamworks but is equally fascinated by some old Tom & Jerry movies we have .

Last year, my biggest fear was that L. at 3 years old, would not have many memories of me. Yes, I knew he would feel the love, that part I know but memories of actual events , at 3 years old are a bit foggy. Back then L. had never been to a movie theater , while I was sick, my Mom took him to his first movie experience and I can tell you that we heard about it at least once a day ..for a long long time.

Now L, is 4 and 1/2 and I know that memories that he is banking now ..are most likely to stay with him. ( Unless he is like my sister that can barely remember the day before yesterday!:)

So , although I plan to be around for a LONG LONG time.. I know the importance of having those really fantastic days... yeh yeh I know every day can be fantastic and mostly are.. but yesterday I know that I deposited a day in L. memory bank...

Together with his 2 best mate here , we got ready, took the train, went to McDonalds to enjoy all bad but yummy stuff... .got great toys from Kung Fu Panda with our Happy Meals... then headed to the tram..crossed town... had ice cream and then finally watched Kung Fu Panda ( where even as a cartoon Tigress's Angelina Jolie looks sexy and fit) ...

A million dollars for the smile on these boys faces... it was cool... they were BIG BOYS.... and I was there sharing that with him ... and oh boy was I grateful for that....

We are off to Brazil.. to build some more memories with his cousins...

big kiss to all...

LiveStrong.. one year ago...

2008-07-01T11:31:00.003+02:00

My dear Amy just completed the Oregon LIVESTRONG Challenge- Congratulations my dear!

She shared the manifesto of the LIVESTRONG and I can't help but post it below:

The Manifesto of the Lance Armstrong Foundation

We believe in life.
Your life.
We believe in living every minute of it with every ounce of your being.
And that you must not let cancer take control of it.
We believe in energy: channeled and fierce.
We believe in focus: getting smart and living strong.
Unity is strength. Knowledge is power. Attitude is everything.
This is the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

We kick in the moment you’re diagnosed.
We help you accept the tears. Acknowledge the rage.
We believe in your right to live without pain.
We believe in information. Not pity.
And in straight, open talk about cancer.
With husbands, wives and partners. With kids, friends and neighbors. And the people you live with, work with, cry and laugh with.
This is no time to pull punches.
You’re in the fight of your life.

We’re about the hard stuff.
Like finding the nerve to ask for a second opinion.
And a third, or a fourth, if that’s what it takes.
We’re about getting smart about clinical trials.
And if it comes to it, being in control of how your life ends.
It’s your life. You will have it your way.

We’re about the practical stuff.
Planning for surviving. Banking your sperm. Preserving your fertility. Organizing your finances. Dealing with hospitals, specialists, insurance companies and employers.
It’s knowing your rights.
It’s your life.
Take no prisoners.

We’re about the fight.
We’re your champion on Capitol Hill. Your advocate with the healthcare system. Your sponsor in the research labs.
And we know the fight never ends.
Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life.
This is the Lance Armstrong Foundation.
Founded and inspired by one of the toughest cancer survivors on the planet.

LIVESTRONG™

So, put aside the celebrity dating and jet setting Lance and I am here to yet again THANK this man.. the man that has done so much.. and for me what he did the most is to give people HOPE that life can continue.... and victories can we welcomed ahead... One of the most amazing thing that someone told me during treatment , was actually a colleague of Carsten that had read my blog and he wrote me that I reminded him of Lance Armstrong... It is the ultimate compliment to a cancer fighter.... Lance gave people the right to say; I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS...

But the manifesto has many words that I think often... UNITY IS STRENGHT .... if it weren't to the cancer sisters and brothers that I have now... OH boy .. this would be much harder....

Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life. And finding the sthrenght ,courage to accept this words is the challenge to any cancer survivor.. .accepting that you ARE changed ... ALL will never be the same... innocence is gone... but life can go on.

One year ago today, I went from " tolerating chemo pretty well" to rushed to the hospital where I stayed long and scary days . .receiving blood and watching the fear in everyone around me... I went form being OK to being REALLY sick... not that it matter much but the 4th of July fireworks were just heard from a hospital bed... 11 days at the hospital and the 6 weeks ahead were full of fear ... But here I am today, healthy & so strong.. but... still healing...

To my cancer sisters and brothers.. Thank you for walking this path with me!
Love you

Guilt

2008-06-11T18:37:00.003+02:00

I feel guilty. Actually I feel horrible. How easy we forget the road we traveled . While I am here complaining that I don't want a "BS" job or that this is not right or that ... I forgot about the people that are fighting the big C and are just happy to get ONE more day to spend here ..in good health with their loved ones.

There is something about "the cancer bond". .it is truly something special ( I will actually post more about that soon!) .. membership of the club that no one wanted to join..but here we are, a part of it. And there is something that keeps us connected and caring for each other. And something that hurts when one of us goes..

This week, I shed tears for a boy that left too soon, and one of my CANCER HEROES is being told that the end is near. As he said: his cancer exploded, is everywhere.

So I apologize for forgetting that the Fragility of Life thought me so much ... that I almost forgot that tomorrow is promised to no one..and I almost forgot that during some very hard and dark days I promised not to sweat the small stuff and smell all the roses that I could find...

Max: Rest in Peace !
Leroy: Enjoy each day! One foot in front of the other!

love to all.. with a very heavy heart ...

Update on Tri

2008-06-09T14:51:00.004+02:00

Some of you may remember that I had signed up for a triathlon next month..sorry to disappointed you ( hem..myself!) that I will postpone it for a year.... Although I was very enthusiastic that I could go from cancer patient to Triathlet in so short time... I just couldn't. I do feel super healthy and strong but I am not there and I do not want to start something that will just make me so upset because I would have to sop half way... so I am not quitting.. or canceling.. just postponing for next summer....

Big kiss

fg

Cancer and Work

2008-06-05T12:42:00.003+02:00

There was this article on today's NYT about cancer and going back to work.

I have not gone back to work since treatment. Partially it was because of our move here to Switzerland but mostly is because I think I am not ready. I do not mean that I am not healthy enough to go back... What I mean is that I am not ready to face some Bullshit that comes with some of the jobs that I was involved in my past. The fragility of life has "schoked me".. .and I know my tolerance for Bull shit has decreased significantly... ( it was not very high to begin with!)

I am lucky that for now, I do NOT NEED to work... But to be 100% honest, I miss work.. I miss being part of team and being productive. Trust me when I tell you that I am NOT sitting around eating bomboms and watching Oprah! ( ops! no O here!) .. I am very busy with studding, our place, Leonardo etc. But I began recently to look at some work.

I am taking my time to find something that will be esciting stimulating and NO BULLSHIT!!!! Maybe that does not exist ! If someone know of that dream job..let me know!

big kiss and Happy Birthday Amy!

Cancer is the new WHAT???????

2008-06-03T16:23:00.007+02:00

Disclaimer: I do not mean to offend anyone that is having a tough fight with the big C. I just find that it helps me to find humor wherever I can in the fight against this monster.

The other day I heard : " Cancer is the new Herpes"!

What? compare such a horrible monster as cancer with such "trivial" disease.... How can that be???

What did that mean??? And after much consideration I actually agree with that (gasp!) funny statement.

Sadly , both Cancer and Herpes are common ... and that there is no cure for either. But actually cancer is better because it is not contagious and honestly speaking ... caner has some buzz around it that I bet Herpes never got .

I feel that Cancer is HOT right now... there is just so much talk around it.. Hollywood and the Media are talking about it.. no longer a taboo that I believe was not to long ago.

So in a way I am happy that people are talking about it and with that it may alleviate some of the bureaucratic bullshit that prevents lots of research to find an actual cure. (or just make tons of progress!)

Like Leroy Stevens said:" We want to be cured. We want to be able to say, "I HAD cancer, but it's gone now."Now, that does happen sometimes, but not often enough. We're fighting for more time. "

So I want one day , hopefully in MY life time, but if not, in L's..that there will be a cure.... that Cancer will be like, let's say, Pneumonia... Tough , Ugly , Painful, Debilitating, At times deadly.. but most times curable and when someone runs into someone that lost some weight and may look a bit frail.. they can actually say : Yup, I HAD cancer last month but I am all good now!

I actually do say: I HAD cancer .... but follows with AND I AM CURRENTLY IN REMISSION!

Yes, REMISSION... for 9 months, 10 days and a couple of hours.....

big kiss

a reminder of a Routine

2008-05-20T10:50:00.003+02:00

I kept my port! Why? many of you may ask, and the answer is complicated and a bit to realistic for someone like me. I don't think I ever shared this with many , A. was in the dr office with me when I asked a very hard question: - What is the percentage of chance that this thing will come back? ... I asked while waiting for a very small number and then I heard: 40%! That was much higher than what I expected to hear .. but quickly I did the "glass half full kind of mind trick. OK.. I have SIXTY % of NOT coming back. The odds are on my favor.. barely but are.

So, back to the port. This thing was a life saver for someone like me that has bad veins and veins that DO NOT collaborate when they need to. Specially when I was poke and plugged and poked what it feels like a MILLION times. I had ZERO complications when I put the port, because I had only had one treatment and was very healthy and with an immune system still pretty normal. I know that what were horrible days at the hospital last summer would have been much worse if my veins had to be put into the equation.

So I have a goal... March 2010! That will be 3 years of diagnosis ( God Willing!) and from then, my chances of relapse go way under that 40% that I heard.. on March 2010... I will be "DEPORTED" and after this reminder of cancer will leave my body.. C. and I will go on a celebratory trip...

Ok, back to Port and Routine... This week was my dr visit where I had to get the port "cared for".. basically they just flush with Heparin to make sure there is no blood clogs etc... Plus blood is taken out from the port for tests...

How many times had they poked me just liked that during treatment??? almost everyday or at least once a week ... it became routine.. . I pulled my shirt to the side and "PLUG"... there they went and took what they needed... I hated but honestly had no pain...

This week... I was reminded of how you can really forget the hard parts and almost become normal again because the port hurt ( it had not been used as the tunnel of so much toxins into my body) ..and the little blood that they took made me dizzy and I needed a toast and juice....
I almost became normal again!!!!!

big kiss.....

Mission Accomplished!

2008-05-13T12:49:00.004+02:00

During a random day when I was really sick, A's Mom look at both of us and said: - When all this cancer Bullshit will be finished.. please go on a trip! Leave the kids with the husbands and just go.. even if to the next corner.. but GO CELEBRATE.. go laugh and have a good time!

Well... It took a whole year but A. and I headed to Miami, rented a convertible and had 4 Magic days at the beach... Sun... and we laughed non stop......it was truly perfect.. including sunrise and sunset watching, drinking Rose wine and getting Free Ice Cream.... We meet old friends.. sang out loud oldies Brazilian Music and even went running down the hotel stairs as we heard a fire alarm... (but we had not paid attention to the warnings that was just a test!!! ) Can you imagine how much we laughed????

So, BBC ( A.'s Mom) : - THANK YOU for making the request .. I just ask you one thing... Please ASK AGAIN!!!!

Before and After Miami I got to spend time with some very dear friends... lazy , giggly dinners in NJ and a big soiree in NYC.... Thanks to all my friends that came.. old and new friends!!!

And.. to to top it all.. I met Amy !!!! ( Please go to ichoosehope.com and visit the post : Thanks to Cancer!!!!) It is incredible that we made it happen.. we met half way! That is also a mission that I wanted to accomplish ...

Truly perfect week.... and the icing on the cake: ... My boys waiting for me with a Sun filled Switzerland!

LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!

In loving Memory of KIER : Universe of LOVE

2008-04-28T14:11:00.003+02:00

I have never met Kier, nor have I spoken to her on the phone. As a matter of fact, the more I think about it, we had never "directly communicated".. We both visited eachothers "cyber life".. she as she visited this blog and me following her journey through her Care Page. But I cared for her and worried for her and hoped for a miracle even though I knew that it was going to be really tough to get one. Kier was 22 years old when she valiantly lost her ultimate battle with the Big Monster C. She had spent most of her teenage years fighting it and if I may pass a compliment that was once given to me : KIER was equal parts TENACITY and GRACE. My heart ache to know that she is gone , not so for her as I do for her family, in particular her parents Mimi and Larry that have so gracefully shared her journey and made out of the most horrific of situatios in the whole world a lesson to all of us... Many of you have heard me say that I will take this disease a million times if I could save children from it and egoistically, my child.

I share with you a post from Larry, not to make you cry ( as I am sure many of you will) but as another lesson that life is worth living and that truly tomorrow is promised to no one.
May KIER find her peace, may she hang out with Miles and the many other people that have left so soon. I HATE CANCER!
with love ,
F

From Kier Care Page:

Today is the day of Kiersten’s wake. I hope each of you knows that you will be with us, whether physically, emotionally or both, this day. I have asked that you, especially those of who cannot make the viewing, take some time to listen to “Love, Love, Love” and “Dear Prudence” by The Beatles. Substitute “Kiersten” for “Prudence” and you will have two songs that are relevant to Kier’s message to us and to our wish for Kier to be able to play with us again. We will feel your presence in your listening and singing along with these songs. I meet this day with deep sadness and dread. Today I will see my daughter’s body laid out in a casket, a harsh reminder of the fact that she is no longer alive and that she will not return. In the days since she died, I have felt a deep sadness and a deeper loneliness. There is a hole in the center of my heart for now. I have just begun to fill it with remembrances, but this viewing will tear open that hole again, even as those who attend the viewings fill it with their love and memories of Kiersten. On Thursday I found myself in a downward spiral. The intensity of taking care of Kier during the previous six weeks was over. And Kier had died, only the day before, though it felt like forever ago. I was numb; I was empty; I felt so, so distant from those around me. I was irritable and angry. I felt like I wanted to be left alone, even as I wished people to hold me close to their hearts. What I really wanted, the only thing I really wanted, was to have Kiersten back. I told Mimi that several times. “I want our Kiersten back,” I repeated all day. “I want our Kiersten back.” I tried to nap several times, but I couldn’t. I could cry. I did cry a lot, inside and out. I cried about Kier’s pain and suffering, about Kier’s being robbed of the possibility of a longer life, and about Kier’s dying, despite her indomitable spirit. I cried for my loss, our loss. I cried that I no longer had my daughter, my baby girl, with me, with us, even as I was relieved that she was no longer suffering. I cried a lot. I still cry when I think about Kier, when I feel the loss of her mighty presence, when I see a little girl run up to her Dad and hug him because—just because. Every little girl now seems like she is our Kiersten in some way. I envy every Dad who can still hug and play with his Kiersten. I want to walk up to him and say, “Hey, you know what’s going on here. You know how lucky you are. You know how much that little kiss and that little hug really mean, how they really make your life worth living. And you know how easy it is to lose that little girl? To take this moment for granted, or to miss it by paying attention to something that seems more important, thinking that you can count on a million more hugs and kisses?” But I don’t. I wouldn’t say those things. I think them. I feel them deeply. But I don’t say them. I don’t want to take away the beauty of those moments by traumatizing the Dad (or Mom) with the reality of the tenuousness of life, of their children’s lives. But I do envy those Dads. And I do remember the little kisses and hugs that Kier and I had together when she was young and in the last weeks and moments of her life. And now I know what life is about. More than ever, I know what life is really about. I have lived many loving moments with Kiersten. I cherish the memory of those moments. Yet, I cannot help feeling the enormous loss of the thousands of moments that she and I have been robbed of forever. So, I go to the wake today, feeling so sad, so lonely for Kiersten, so proud of what she has accomplished, but so wanting a million more little moments of love between us. Moments that we share together. Moments yet to come. Moments never to come. Thank each and every one of you for listening to and for loving us. Please love each other, especially your children. While I may envy the moments you have with your children, I honor your love and know that in loving, we all are Kiersten's spirit and love alive. Love and Peace, Larry

"The Club"

2008-04-02T14:48:00.002+02:00

We spent a week in France with our dear friends and on the drive back we stopped at the Genova Aquarium to check it out and to stretch our legs , eat good Focaccia.

While we were at the Madagascar exhibit I spotted HER from afar. She was probably younger than me, was holding her son ( who was also probably younger than L.) hand. He husband holding her so tight. I knew it.

Not by the bandanna she was wearing... but by her face. The color , the lack of any facial hair.. the puffiness. I panicked for a moment, and almost began to cry. I have been a little removed from Cancer World lately and had not seen "that face" for a while.

I got closer... I really wanted to take her into my arms and tell her.. IT WILL BE OK... Hang in there.. look at me... I was you, just SIX months ago...

Which cancer did she have? how far along into treatment was she? which stage? Was that boy her only child? But I knew that my honest sign of affection could have been easily translated as an attack from a freak. I could see the headlines: "FREAK ATTACK ON CANCER PATIENT AT THE GENOVA AQUARIUM"...

So I didn't say anything but as our shoulders touched, I quietly said a prayer ... that she may continue to hold that boy's hand for a LONG LONG TIME...

much love

Another important "One year ago"...

2008-03-30T18:48:00.001+02:00

As I celebrate my one year milestones , today , ONE YEAR AGO , I was having my very first taste of chemoterapie. Round I !
We all know that it got tougher and tougher as the cycles piled up but one thing I remember from that day. My feeling of hope and optimism!
Happy one year chemo! You did a good job!
big kiss

What doesn't Kill you, makes you Stronger

2008-03-21T08:23:00.004+01:00

One year ago my life changed forever. I often question what day what "the day".. or like my friend Amy calls is , "My Canniversary"... the anniversary of the cancer.

Today was the day that my silly stomach ache was a little stronger and , with some resistance, I listened to my dear friend Barbara, and drove with her to the ER.

What was I thinking during that car drive? I can guarantee you that it was nothing serious or scary. I had left my house , Carsten and Leonardo and was wearing yoga pants and birkenstocks. I was 100% that I was going to be back in a couple of hours after some doctor had given me some painkillers and assured me that that stomach ache was just stress related....

OH WAS I WRONG....

I never left the ER that evening.... I left that Hospital 15 days later.

I left that Hospital with a shaved head.

I left that Hospital a Cancer Patient and already with one round of chemo under my belt.

Yes, that day was ONE YEAR AGO...

In this one year I learn a lot.... I faced my mortality and embraced life... priorities were shifted and relationships were put to the ultimate test... I was lucky, very lucky, to have experience the very best of human kind, ...I experienced unconditional love and friendship.... I have experienced scary fears and amazing hope.... I have cried .. both sad and happy tears.... I have felt sick and energized.... I found courage when sometimes I wanted to curl up and cry....

Immense gratitudes are due... and you all know who you are and the very important role in my healing you have.... every day of my life I will think of you as angels that have helped me and my family make this difficult year bearable.... THANK YOU

A special thank you to Barbara , who with her determined stubberness MADE me go to the ER... I owe her my life... as we later learned that I didn't have much longer if the beast had not been treated and dealt with....

So... as someone once said: " What doesn't kill you, make you Stronger"....

many kisses....

Not a Green in sight....

2008-03-17T17:28:00.002+01:00

Very seldom I actually compare Zürich to New York.. but today, after all my years in NYC I actually craved to see some people wearing green..
Happy St. Patrick day!

What does a happy girl do when she finds out she has clear scans????

2008-03-14T07:20:00.009+01:00

She cries her heart out and is very very grateful....

She heads into Zürich with her girlfriends and drinks loads of champagne ..........
Then she goes to her favorite sushi hang out and eat loads of sushi ..and a bit more champagne.....

Then she splurges a bit and buys herself Incredible Zebra Boots to celebrate.....

Thank you for the good vibes and love....
a very, very happy ( and a bit hangover) ..... Francesca

and I breath again....

2008-03-13T08:58:00.002+01:00

Yes... I am OK....

I am a mess... with tears... and grateful.. very grateful....

thank you !

a warm hug

WAITING..

2008-03-12T18:10:00.001+01:00

. .I am waiting by the phone. It seems that I will not her till tomorrow morning.. ( oh boy! this will be a LOOOOONNNGGGGG night)
I will post as soon as I know and thank you for the good vibes. .I can feel them
big kiss and BACK OFF CANCER

Today I .....

2008-03-12T10:13:00.004+01:00

. ..am going to do a PET Scan. Yup, that one that tells me if the Big C is back or NOT ... I am nervous but Positive and Optimistic. I welcome any special little prayers /positive vibes... I will take them all...

These past few weeks , I struggled a lot with the thought of "going back to normal"... and ( I THINK) I finally settled that there is NO going back to normal.. there is a NEW normal . .and fear and anxiety are just a part of it. I am NOT the same person, . .I am changed, hopefully to the better ..or just different. The reality is that I will never be able to be someone who had never had cancer... but HOPEFULLY someone who will NEVER HAVE CANCER AGAIN! Difficult/Complex thoughts... and feelings.. and I am more than ever thankful for the people around me.. I know at times is not easy and I must always remember that this battle is/was just as hard for them...

Below is an piece of a post of a fellow PC ( Planet Cancer) member.. Thanks Melissa! So many of these words could have been written from my thoughts. .she did a much better job!

Like Alice in cancerland, i'm falling down a dark and creepy rabbit hole.

That would explain a lot of the feelings i have been experiencing lately. my body does not feel like my own any more. i feel violated. I feel stripped, exposed and scared.

i have no idea what was injected into my voluptuous veins for the past year. After four or five or six... i don't remember; surgery's... whose hands have been inside me, wrapped me up and sent me back to the world looking as nicely cut up as possible. Friends have judged me and left me. Nearly hundreds of people have poked, picked and prodded me; analyzed me and made decisions about me and my body and my health without my permission. I did not ask for cancer. You don't get time to process ANYTHING. Especially not when you were stage four, and doctors are surprised you are alive. You are PUSHED through everything and you are whipped into shape by friends, family and doctors whenever you try to take a second to question your life. Is it all worth it? 98% of the time it is, however, when you consider the fact that you now have a thirty percent increased chance of developing other cancers because of your treatments i'm only left with 69%. I swear i have an alternate thought track playin on a loop in my mind. Thank God no one ever asks me what i'm thinking about. How i wish i could go back to the carefree innocence that i had taken for granted befor the cancer talon popped my little bubble . Life is messy and inconsistent (which is ultimately why it's so fabulous). Yet for a Virgo who hates change; it is also very unsettling! But cancer is no longer my first and last thought of the day. Life moves on. Cancer is just another thing in life that i have to roll with, it has become another interesting piece of my puzzle that seperates me in a good way. Once you go head to head with cancer and kick it's ass, there is nothing you can't do.

Daily screams when no one is around has become a theraputic ritual for me. For all the questions that there is no answer to, screaming spits em all out of my brain and sends them to the dirt so i can step on em.

But cancer has changed and so have i. Life goes on, even becomes normal again. i refuse to let cancer wreck my party. There are just too many cool things to do and plan and live for. i'm done.

I will update everyone once I have results and my mantra today is:

BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!! BACK OFF CANCER.. .I CHOOSE HOPE .. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER !!!!

big kiss....

I Choose Hope

2008-03-06T09:45:00.007+01:00

Disclaimer: This is long so either A) relax, get a cup of coffee or B) just skip this post.

OK... I have a dear friend L. and she has a very good friend B.

B. is from Brazil and she and I always met up at L. house and all.

Last year, BEFORE I was diagnosed, B. signed up for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Team in Training Nike Marathon in San Francisco, that was going to take place in Oct of 07. I was proud of her, committed to help her with $$$ and cheer and encourage her decision. I HAD NEVER MET ANYONE WITH either LEUKEMIA OR LYMPHOMA.

After I was DX, B. called me to tell me that she was running for me, as an honoree and that my name was going to be on her T Shirt. I felt honored.. but who wants to be on someone T-Shirt because they have cancer , right? ( I am so very honored that have been on that T Shirt and will be forever in dept to B and the thousands of others to help raise $$ and awareness for this BIG NASTY C>)

But the summer kept going.. I follow B. training progress as I got sicker and sicker.

Fast Forward a few months and in October I received B. email saying that she had completed her half marathon and that the experience was incredible ... and in her email, and her pictures.. she mentioned "this woman" that had spoken at her Pre Marathon dinner and that had really made an impression on B.

Now, I am sure we are all the same and when we hear people talk about "this woman". .or "that person".. and you have no real connection to her/him.. seldom "this person " stays in your thoughts.... BUT THIS WOMAN DID.. .I did not know her name .. or nothing but I remember B. mentioned that she also was YOUNG, HEALTHY and HAD BEEN HIT WITH THE BIG C... a very similar kind to the one I had.

Fast Forward another few weeks....

From an article, to someones blog.. to another blog ( or what I now call "Blog Hopping") .. I stumbled into this web blog called I CHOOSE HOPE from a Lovely Young Woman called Amy Bartlet .... GUESS WHAT??????? AMY is THAT WOMAN.....

Amy and I communicate often.. I follow her survivor journey and feel a special connection to her. I know exactly how she felt and I know she knows exactly how I felt THAT DAY . .the day you hear you have the BIG C... the fears.. anxiety... sense of loss...

My journey and Amy's is wickedly similar.. .we are the same age, we were DX just 2 weeks a part and are both , we both had special experiences as we shaved our heads, we have wonderful friends and family and THANKFULLY we are both in remission and have began lives in new lands...

I hope one day we will actually meet in person, and enjoy a Bubbly together... WE HAVE LOADS TO CELEBRATE !!!

So, if you are not doing anything this coming October, Maybe I will see you in San Francisco.. as I am trying to find a way to get there and THANK this people.. .all this people that have so selfishly done something TO SAVE MINE and AMY's LIVES..

A big Kiss to all.. a a special one to B. and Amy..... and I CHOOSE HOPE!!!!!

PS: The Picture up there is Amy during her speech.. the one that B. got inspired and If you want to feel the same please visit I CHOOSE HOPE and watch her speech. Get the tissue box out!!!

BACK OFF CANCER!!!
Big kiss Amy: Happy CANIVERSSARY!!!!

Snowy Wednesday

2008-03-05T14:34:00.004+01:00

So Spring came and flirted and teased me... I was so happy.. .and then BANG! Today so much snow... but it was beautiful ....

This is the little path from our flat to the train.... hope spring comes back to flirt.. real soon..
big kiss

BACK OFF FEAR!

2008-03-04T20:36:00.003+01:00

Fear is an emotional response to tangible and realistic dangers. Fear should be distinguished from anxiety, an emotion that often arises out of proportion to the actual threat or danger involved, and can be subjectively experienced without any specific attention to the threatening object. ^[1]^[2]

Most fear is usually connected to pain (i.e., some fear heights because if they fall, they may suffer severe injury upon landing). Behavioral theorists, like Watson and Ekman, have both suggested that fear is one of several very basic emotions (e.g., joy and anger). Fear is a survival mechanism, and usually occurs in response to a specific negative stimulus

Before C. .. I was not afraid of much... OK. .I was not going to go bungee jumping but I did not fear LIFE... if there is one thing that I hate that C. did to me is to introduce me to FEAR... I hate C and I hate FEAR ... so
BACK OFF CANCER!!! & BACK OFF FEAR!!!!!!!

I am FOUR and I ROCK CLIMB

2008-02-24T18:14:00.002+01:00

Like if we needed any extra activities this week end.. L. had his first try at rock climbing and he LOVED it!
May the this next year be filled with good health and happy moments!
big kiss

Mammy: I am FOUR !

2008-02-23T19:32:00.002+01:00

So, he woke up today LATE( 6 AM!?!?!?!?!?!?) ... screaming asking if he could go to his party...
We had a beautiful 1st bday here in Switzerland and the party was great!
thanks for coming to my party and for the very cool gifts
big kiss
L. ( who almost fell asleep at the bath tub!!! )

can we start our special day????

2008-02-22T08:21:00.003+01:00

. .I remember well the day before L. was born. It was Sunday, cold, and the day of the Final Episode of Sex in The City.

C. and I just got some last things done... bought a new camera so we could document the arrival of our "Fruta" ... as we call him...

L. turns 4 tomorrow.. and today we planned to have a special day,..skip school... lazy breakfast, head into town... go to the Franz Carl Weber store and he will pick one present...

As I had imagined. .L. woke up at 4:42 AM ..came running to my bed ...and asked: - Can we start our special day already?

There was no way to keep him in bed...

8 of 8 !!! ( I made it!)

2008-02-21T07:29:00.002+01:00

8 "things I wish/hope"for : (from serious to silly)

1. That the BIG C will stay away from everyone... that it will go into extinction. In particular I want that my little cyber friend VB will never have to spend another minute at the hospital and if he does go it will be to get stiches because he fell from a tree while playing with his mates. I hope that he will never have memories of his suffering and that his parents will also be able to forget some of that pain.

2. I hope that my dear friend A. find "the change " she is craving for, weather it will be her bedroom walls or a new Land.

3. I hope that my 87 year old Nonna will leave another 100 years, but as I am not sure that is possible, I hope that her time on this earth will be filled with dignity and good health.

4. I hope that my family will continue to adapt here in Switzerland and that more and more we will call it home.

5. I hope that I will eventually loose my extra weight.

6. I hope that I will finish my Triathlon in July

7. I hope that the "out of control" birthday party that we are having for L. on Saturday will be a BIG success and the kids ( and parents ) will have a blast

8. I hope that this "8 posts of 8 " were not too painful and I will now go back to blogging about life in Switzerland, the BIG C., Good foods and trips...

I wish everyone a great day .
Big kiss and Thanks Vampdaddy !

ciao

7 of 8 !( this is getting painful)

2008-02-20T09:53:00.002+01:00

8 RANDOM thoughts on movies ( I know.. I am totally running out ideas)

1. JUNO : Really lovely and fresh to see a "normal " teenager. Plus we love a good Indie movie, right?

2. THE HOUSE OF THE SPIRITS :
Based on the FAB book of Isabelle Allende, I love this movie and the people in it. If you havent read/seen, please put it on your list.

3. THE SON OF THE BRIDE ( EL HIJO DE LA NOVIA)
Trust me, you will love it! Specially for those of us ( ops ! actually YOU) that are still workaholics.

4. THE END OF THE AFFAIR
Much like # 2, it is the few times that a movie is just as good as a book. My friend Eric and I used to say: " You can go on loving someone without ever seeing him"... that was a beautiful time.

5. SAVING GRACE
Because seeing a middle aged woman get high on good weed and make money out of it and befriend her late husbands mistress was just GREAT

6. THELMA & LOUISE
Because I love my Girlfriends , Brad Pitt was young and Susan Surandon looks like my mother

7. CARNE TREMULA ( LIVE FLESH)
Simply because ALMODOVAR ROCKS!!!!

8. TODO SOBRE MI MADRE ( All about my mother )
same as # 7

Sorry.. I need to add ONE MORE...

8 a) TALK TO HER ... Hable con ella ...
DId I say I love him>????

Tomorrow will be my last " 8 post". .. any ideas????
much love
ciao

6 of 8 !!!

2008-02-19T07:14:00.004+01:00

This is not breaking the rule of mine on NOT blogging about Politics or Religion. These are things that I hope ANY of them can /will do:

8 Things the next US Administration needs to TACKLE ASAP::

1. GUN CONTROL :Do I need to say anything?

2. Health Care: Had to experience myself ( and had a good one!) to realize how precarious the Health care system is and I used to get so mad when I asked people why they had not began treatment earlier and the answer would be : Needed to wait for insurance approval! ARGH!

3. Elderly care: So sad how the few choices of assisted living are only available to the ones with lots of money. There will be MANY old people soon.

4. Medical Research: I am bias on this but the US must focus on research both for prevention and treatment of diseases.

5. EDUCATION: Along with #2 , kids should be allowed a great education, across the board.

6. GET KIDS MOVING: here in Switzerland they began a campaign against child obesity.. AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN A FAT KID.... it is a serious problem and teh consequences of it years down the road are Huge

7. USA PR Overseas : Dont need to say much... we have a bad rep.. it got way worse lately .. but it can be fixed.. but it needs to be done quick.

8. Did I say GUN CONTROL?

big kiss .. any ideas of 7 of 8 and 8 of 8 ??? I am running out ....

5 of 8 !!! ( Will this ever end???)

2008-02-18T08:02:00.002+01:00

8 Books that I read while in treatment that had special meaning to me:

1. "When Bad Things Happen To Good People" ( Given to me by Sarah, my friend who heard the news with me... )
by Rabbi Harold Kushner
Rarely does a book come along that tackles a perennially difficult human issue with such clarity and intelligence. Harold Kushner, a Jewish rabbi facing his own child's fatal illness, deftly guides us through the inadequacies of the traditional answers to the problem of evil, then provides a uniquely practical and compassionate answer that has appealed to millions of readers across all religious creeds. Remarkable for its intensely relevant real-life examples and its fluid prose, this book cannot go unread by anyone who has ever been troubled by the question, "Why me?"

2. "Phenomenal Woman" by Maya Angelou is a phenomenal poem that speaks to us of where we are as women at the dawn of a new century. In a clear voice, Maya Angelou vividly reminds us of our towering strength and beauty. Here is a poem that radiates wisdom and conviction, renewing our belief in the glory and tender mercies of our gender. By Maya Angelou
My Friend Erin read it aloud while many friends of mine were shaving my head. It could have been a scary sad moment.. but It wasn't .

3. "It is not about the Bike" By Lance Armstrong
Of course I had to read this.. and it gave me a glimpse of what was to come as I read it in the very beginning of treatmnet.

4. "Cancer Vixen "by Marisa Marchetto
I had read it before but reading it gave me Extra Super powers.

5. "EAT.. PRAY..LOVE" by Elizabeth Gilbert
During a particular hard time, this book managed to make my mind travel to 3 fabulous lands and forget where I was ( at the hospital)

6. "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Houssini
Much like # 5, reading about Afghanistan (albeit during some horrific times to the woman there) I was able to take my mind off cancer .

7. "Budapest" by Chico Buarque
I had never managed to finish this book but enjoyed it and reading in Portuguese was particular special.

8. "A long way gone" by Ishmael Beah
So many tears but it gave me so many emotions .

Hope you all have a great week..
big kiss
ciao

4 of 8 (half way there!!!!)

2008-02-15T08:04:00.002+01:00

8 places I would like to visit again:

1. Covento do Carmo , Vitoria, Espirito Santo, BRAZIL
I had what some may call "a very spiritually fit " moment here and I promised to be back. And I will.

2. Monenvasia, Greece
A place lost in time. Once you enter this little ruins village you will just loose yourself.
I would love to take Carsten there. Maybe next summer

3. Morro de Sao Paulo , Bahia, BRAZIL
The problem here is that I was there over 15 years ago and have heard that since it has changed a lot and is full of tourist and commerce. So I would like to go back in time here as well.

4. Napoli, ItalyNeed to go back with my sister and Laugh for days

5. Canoa Quebrada, Ceara, Fortaleza
Maybe like number #3 but here specifically I wanted to have Neila, Ney and Xanda with me.

6. Assinie, The Ivory Coast
It was our first vacation together and it will forever be special.

7. Barra do Sahy , SP - BRAZIL
Here , for sure , we had to go back about 25 years. .but it would have been worth it.

8. New York City... as a tourist .

big kiss

3 of 8

2008-02-14T07:59:00.003+01:00

8 Things that I miss about the USA:

1. Duh! My friends... you know who you are ... it doesn't get easier.. just more manageable.

2. Food: And I do not mean American food ( sorry) but all the yummy foods that you could get in NYC. Dim Sum for breakfast, Thai for Lunch, Indian for dinner, with a few pretzels in between and all for (usually) little money

3. Food (part 2) : being able to shop the endless grocery stores , in particular our Korean Market , TJ, etc

3. Bargain Shopping: ( The Swiss DO NOT get the concept of " a good bargain") .. people here think that 10% off Full price is a deal... I KNOW BETTER

4. Movies: endless choices, everywhere.. and YOU DO NOT NEED TO BUY TKTS IN ADVANCE

5. Chinatown: I am still looking but I think Zurich might be the only city in the WORLD that has NO Chinatown

6. A USD 10 manicure and an even better USD 20 for a pedicure ( here you must add a zero to these prices)

7. How close I felt to Brazil.. I think it was both the 1 hour only time difference and the (compared to here) cheap tickets. .I always felt I was so close...

8. Did I say my friends?????

big kiss and Happy VDAY

2 of 8

2008-02-13T07:22:00.002+01:00

8 Things I Love about Switzerland....

1. The Lake, the water. We have only a modest view to the lake from our flat but I have glimpses of the water all day long , either from the train, from L. school, from the market... I feel the water around me and I love it.

2. I believe the roots of the Slow Food Movement must be here ... and it is fantastic.. expensive but fantastic.

3. The Swiss are RECYCLING MANIACS .. and I love them for that. Everything is recyclable, ..even wine bottle corks/ nespresso capsules.. .everything...

4. Location..Location..Location... Give me 3 hours and I will take you to a completely different land/food/culture...

5. No kidding... either were the drugs or I swear the SKY IS BLUER HERE

6. They speak 4 language normally, and often you find people that just "picked up another 2" ..

7. PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION is just crazy reliable.. down to the minutes/seconds..

8. SAFETY -Kids walk alone to school ( that will eventually deserve another post) .. but as I watch 4 year old walk to school by themselves , I wonder if I will not Panic when it will be time for L. to do the same..

Stay Tuned... 2 DOWN .. 6 to GO....

1 of 8

2008-02-12T12:43:00.001+01:00

So... Vampdaddy challenged me to this. (an "8 day a week meme") and I think it will be fun and get me writing ...

So here is the first of my 8 posts...

8 Things I learned from Cancer...

1. Hair is OVERRATED .. ( eyebrows and eyelashes ARE NOT!)

2. Nurses are actually ANGELS in disguise

3. If you think something is wrong with you.. it probably is.. and if a doctor tells you that you are perfectly fine... GO SEE ANOTHER ONE

4. I am blessed with incredible FRIENDS

5. Now I know why weddings vows usually include " In sickness and In health"

6. ALWAYS have health insurance ( even if you think, ... "I am in perfect good health, I can take this job and forgo health insurance for a couple of months! " - DO NOT)

7. To be able to wake up, take a shower , get dressed, make coffee, take your kid to school, kiss a loved one, is A REAL GOOD DAY . .add a walk outside under the Sun and is just a TRUE MIRACLE .

8. Tomorrow is TRULY promised to NO ONE

stay tuned...

It wasn't me....

2008-02-11T16:37:00.001+01:00

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/02/11/art.theft/index.html

GONG XI FANG CAI!!!!

2008-02-06T21:40:00.000+01:00

Happy Chinese New Year to all my friends but specially to my dear friends in Beijing!
GONG XI FANG CAI!

Freundins ( That is Girlfriend in German!!)

2008-02-06T20:37:00.000+01:00

I have been really lucky here in Switzerland about meeting friends and all and feel that now .. my new GF's deserve mention and a post ... Specially since today I had one GF ( R.) at home ( a planned date with the kids) and then my bell rang and ANOTHER GF (G.- she is actually GF AND neighbor) just stopped by.... I really love this "local feeling"...

So, my very first GF that I met was J. .. .we had communicated via email and we et up for a coffee by the Kunsthaus .. she moved to Germany shortly after but she gave me a feeling that I was going to meet many cool GF's here...

Then I met J.and A..... they are both "spooglers" ( wife of googlers) ad although we don't see each other often I like knowing that they are just a "text" away..

Through an online group.. I met C. ( her kids actually go to the same school as Leonardo).. we "clicked online" and she introduced me to S.... and instant match.. .we have really had already such good times.. with AND without the kids.. .she actually took me out last week and we laughed so hard that I almost chocked on my sushi... We click in many ways. .she is a bit of a hero with that many kids ( so is C. , together they have 7 children...LOCO!!!!) .. but they make it look sooooo easy...

At my German class I met M.... we are so silly together that our teacher has actually asked us NOT to sit together . .what are we? 12???? But I eagerly await to class and to our cappuccinos after words... Today I actually DID choke on a piece of bread because she makes me laugh SO HARD.... She is faboulous and loving. .she actually teaches German to disabled children ( and her German .. lets say it..still needs improvement .. ) but that just shows the person she is...

So.. I still miss and will always miss my dear GF's all over the world.. .but as I frequently say: I feel lucky .. . and my "Swiss" GF's just confirm that!

Thank you Girls!
xoxoxo

Happy Birthday to ME!

2008-01-28T17:24:00.000+01:00

Yup, today I turn 35 years old... but my reason for posting is not to get some extra birthday wishes ...
I remember so well my b-day of last year.. It was quiet and special. I spent the day with Alexandra and in teh evening we all went to a local Mexican place. The 4 of us and the 2 boys... we had such a great time , it was the perfect b-day evening..
I remember getting home and really feeling my heart filled with happiness and joy... I was so content and I CLEARLY remember telling Carsten that I could not ask for nothing else in life .. I had all, and I counted all my blessings INCLUDING My health...
Well.. I had no idea that the bomb was ticking inside of me and than less than 8 weeks from that precious day.. ALL WOULD CHANGE...
So, the message IS today more than ever I realize that TOMORROW IS PROMISED to no one and that you really MUST enjoy TODAY... My year was tough but I am happy and grateful for it.

So, I was always one to enjoy a Big Birthday and you bet today I will be eating A LOT of cake and drink some bubblie with it!

Much love to all

xoxox

Feeling ALIVE...

2008-01-18T11:23:00.000+01:00

Before I got sick, I can honestly say that I was in the best phisical shape of my life... I exercised regularly and was able to do some pretty crazy stuff ( ok! maybe a head stand is not that crazy but it was crazy for me as I had never managed to one before.. not even as a kid!) . .Anyway, I also used to take KINESIS classes with my all time favorite trainer ever ( Artie- Hi !) ..Kinesis looks a lot easier than what it actually is... the slow movements combine strenght and balance ... I used to love it !
Fast forward 10 months and here I am... healthy... and I just signed up to this really fancy new Gym .. and today took my first Kinesis class... I was a bit nervous at first... These people looked SOOO fit and strong... But you know what??? Is till have it... sweating like a mad woman I finished the class and did all exercises... and I felt ALIVE... I actually could never really explain what I felt... it was FANTASTIC !

GO FRANZISKA!!!!!!!

2008-01-10T19:42:00.000+01:00

Go Franziska!

The Freedom of Letting Go!

2008-01-10T17:39:00.000+01:00

New Year,... cleaning the closets .. and I kept on stumbling on the big bag of medicines that I took while on treatment. I had the opportunity to throw them away many times ( they actually came with the big move--- why>??) Anyway, I realize now that I was afraid of letting go... in the back of my mind I was thinking.. " If I get sick again I may need them? "..... But yesterday, I finally had the courage to throw them away ..( actually take them back to a pharmacy as by Swiss Law you cannot put any sort of medicaments in the garbage, you MUST bring it to a Pharmacy)

As I thanked this lovely lady for taking this bag full of "leftovers" of the disease I could not help but feel overwhelmed by this feeling of freshness... I FELT FREE!

big kiss to all...

Enjoy the reading!

2008-01-04T09:00:00.001+01:00

A great article that I wanted to share!

A shame..

2008-01-01T16:38:00.000+01:00

The assassination of Benazir Bhutto has been on my mind... It made me remember of how I felt when Yitzhak Rabin had the same faith , I was living in Beijing and was at my small flat with CNN on the background.. and than the news came, I knew little of him but was overcome with sadness and began to cry... There is such a feeling of helpless when these horrible acts happen .

I can only imagine how the youth of these countries must feel ... Their hopes for change shattered because of so much hate that still exists around...

I have many friends that come from the Far East and my hope for them is that there will be peace...all over ... soon!

Traditions...

2007-12-31T20:08:00.000+01:00

When we were kids.. regardless of in which remote beach we spent New Years, there were one sure thing. We were going to have Lentils .
It was meant to bring luck, and we ate tons of it.
We hated it and both my mother and father, in their separate lives made us eat them.

We also ate Yummy Pandoro !
So today I prepared my family , Lentil Soup..and made everyone eat..lots of it! And of course we ate Pandoro!

A toast to old traditions and to evolved ones!

To a Healthy 2008!

2007-12-31T10:09:00.000+01:00

This past year has been intense, full of emotions but I must admit that I have learn a great deal from it... I have grown!
There is an infinite amount of Thank Yous! to many to write, but you all know who you are, people that have helped me and my family through difficult times.
I am forever in your dept..
May 2008 be filled with good health, happy moments ,imagination, laughter, love, company of friends & family, peace, good food, and HOPE.. lots of HOPE!
much love
From the 3 of us

I miss my friend ...

2007-12-30T04:10:00.000+01:00

The other day I took the kids for a walk and a block away from home Mika runs to a pile of brown leaves, screaming "ITS LEONARDO'S"... he pulls out a bright orange ball, brings it back home and is firm about sending a "video message" to his friend: http://youtube.com/watch?v=lB5zc1aqLp4

"I miss my friend" - I think she used this title already, no? Oh well! Sorry if being repetitive but I really miss my friend. I try to not let it bother me, above all, we are so very lucky to have each other, and have lived that physically close to each other... cherish that, rather than cry over the fact that we are now so far apart, right? Yeah, right :( - hasn't been that easy! Really missed having Leo around for trick or treat, having Francesca's helping hand for Thanksgiving, having a gift for her under the Xmas tree ... I haven't bought any Prosecco for New Year's Eve.

It's difficult on those "special dates" ... but much harder on the day to day. Coffee on Saturday mornings, a run to the manicure, a visit to the movies, taking the kids to a museum, talking about yesterday's Oprah, or tomorrow's election. Not fair that Malu is now crawling and clapping and "Chica" is not around to clap back. But thank God for You Tube and Skype and email and affordable phone plans. Switzerland is not all that far.

Happy healthy new year to all of us,
LIVE WELL - LAUGH OFTEN - LOVE MUCH
and wear sunscreen :) - love that speech ... do you know it? http://internettrash.com/users/chainbreak/schmsp.htm

Beijao!

Bella Napoli with my Sister !

2007-12-17T17:44:00.000+01:00

Train, Planes & automobiles, Laugh, Napoli--Gorgeous Napoli, Laugh, Very cold, Laugh, Nonna, Laugh, Food, Laugh, Cumana, Laugh, Montesanto, Sfogliatella, Food, Laugh, Panetonne, Cemetery to visit Nonno, Zio Giulio, Laugh, Mercato, Laugh, Food, Laugh, MANN, laugh, The Secret Room , Laugh, Cappucino, Laugh, Cara de Bruxa, Laugh, Dingo, Laugh, Vomero, Laugh, Food, Laugh

Chiara..I miss you already!

Local ?!?!?!?!

2007-12-13T08:49:00.000+01:00

I searched everywhere for a definition of what "being a local" mean.. Wikipedia, Google., etc.. and could not find any. We all know that feeling when we move to a new neighborhood, new town, or new country and you DO NOT feel like a local... and I realize is a feeling that I missed a lot.. I liked "running into people" , knowing peoples names, etc.

My sister is visiting ( pics will follow soon ) . Yesterday I was waiting for her at Paradeplatz and then I saw from across the street my friend (new) Joelle and her cute son Max, and I screamed for her and she came over to meet Chiara . It felt so good to "bump into people" that I knew in the middle of Zurich. Then we felt like Sushi and went to this yummy place near Stadelhofen and as we walked in, the cute server, Ali, said : Hi Francesca!!!

At that moment, I felt like a local .... or how is Local in Swiss German?????

big kiss

"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you want" by Dr. R. Pausch

2007-12-07T11:51:00.000+01:00

Dr. Randy Pausch: Childhood Dreams Lecture

( It is LONG.. but OH so worth it! )

a shorter version ..( but if you have time..watch the whole thing...

big kiss to all and specially to Randy and his family.

Milano...Running.. Prosecco...Pizza!

2007-12-06T09:11:00.000+01:00

This past week end we went to Milano to :

1. Watch Carsten run his 28th Marathon, The Milano Marathon
2. See my Dad who was in town
3. Visit up with some friends & family
4. Eat..drink..eat..eat...drink

We accomplished all and had a real good time. Here some highlights:

1. Carsten ran his 2nd best time at 3.21 hrs. There were 5700 runners and it really felt very crowded. We managed to see him at the 41 Km mark but missed him at the finish line... the Italians are not the most organized of the people... And it was funny to see how divided the city was about the marathon..some people were happy that they were hosting it..some people HATED it..and they were not afraid to say it! Grumpy Milanese!

2. It was incredible to see my Dad, specially since last time I saw him I was in a pretty bad shape but this time they could barely keep up with me...

3. We had a lovely time with C&C and also with my family in Milan ( the ones that I don't see /talk very often (??)

4. We ate..ate ..and ate... Carboloading was invented in Italy!

Real pics coming soon!

big kiss

Tipping Point!

2007-11-30T17:14:00.000+01:00

Tipping Point!

Enjoy!

SHAMPOO!

2007-11-30T15:18:00.000+01:00

After 9 months, I am browsing the beauty store/pharmacy isles for Shampoo! I have hair.. thick black hair and it needs to be washed! And having hair makes me sooo happy!

big kiss and love to all
xox
FG

Blogs, Blogs and More Blogs!

2007-11-26T16:45:00.000+01:00

This might get long.... But I have been thinking lately about this blog and the many blogs that I have become obsessed ( addicted!) with lately. They are a combination from people that I know but many are from people that I wished I knew.

Let me begin talking about this blog, My Blog. Back in late March, when the beast came knocking and the fight began, I was a little overwhelmed, to say the list. My friends and family, from all corners of the world ( that sounds corny!) were eager to know how I was doing and I really wanted to keep them informed and keep myself on their prayers list ( sorry I was a bit selfish) so in the beginning I used to send this "mass email" updates. So many bounce backs, so many people that I knew were so busy and that although I knew they cared but to have my update about my life's fight together with their million email inbox was not working... so I sat in front of the computer and said: _ I want to have a blog! OK: Truth be told: I wasn't sure what a blog really was nor I had any clue of how to start one. I guess I figured it out, thanks to Google, it was not that hard. OK, now I have a blog, so what? I was never one to write much, as a matter of fact I never really had enjoyed writing but that changed and so many days, my little blog entry , and the posts of people was so therapeutically that you would never imagine.
I have been thinking about changing the name of this blog, ... to not give the Big C. such a "prime spot" but reality is BACK OFF CANCER is what I want to scream, everyday of my life. back Off! Stay away! Don't come knocking here no more! So I guess the name will stay until I have a better idea!

One day, I watched the Cancer Special at the Health Discovery Channel and then I saw Leroy Sievers for the very first time. His Blog has meant so much to me through this journey and I have followed HIS journey like of a close friend. He is a Cyber Friend. Leroy recently had some scary days at the hospital and my heart worried like it would have of a dear friend.

VampDaddy was someone that I "found" in one post at Leroy's blog and it was first just curiosity that I checked his blog.... He is my Blogger Hero or Hero Blogger (not sure!) , anyway, he put everything in prospective.

Then when moving to Zurich was on my mind, I found THIS, and following it made me want to come here even more. I later met Julie and that first week in Zurich and Julie's warm welcome were priceless for my settling in. Julie has since moved to Germany but I will for sure be following her blog. I love her witty writing, her sense of humor and many things that she has written I wanted to write myself.

C. & C. are friends from the States that we didn't see so often but now they live in Milan and C. has become so dear to my heart and I love to follow how she writes about her cooking and her new baby ( We will see them this week end!)

I met Alice here, lovely girl, and I from time to time check what she is up to. I don't see her often as our lives in Zurich are busy.

The Life I choose is the story of this English woman that left London to live in Positano, ... Fabulous Positano!

Tia Vi... one of my Mom's friend that has become MY friend...

There are a few (many!) more but I will keep it to part II... this is getting way to long :)

Big Kiss to all

I miss my friend...

2007-11-23T17:10:00.000+01:00

Just got off the phone with Xanda...

Gosh! How much I miss her! There is the one thing that will never change... I am getting settled... my family is getting settled..

Switzerland is home already in so many ways....

But I miss my friend!

What I am trully Grateful for!

2007-11-22T19:27:00.000+01:00

I love you boys!

I give THANKS...

2007-11-21T08:11:00.000+01:00

Not only Today but everyday I am thankful and want to wish all my friends, specially the ones in the US a wonderful , healthy and happy Thanksgiving!
Lots of love

Se Maome nao pode ir ate a Montanha .. a Montanha vai a Maome!

2007-11-20T11:55:00.000+01:00

Sorry Non Portuguese speaking people... this is a Brazilian saying that if Moses cannot go to the Mountain so the Mountain has to come to Moses .. ( or something like it)
I have been missing some of the great Asian/Latin food that we had at the East Coast of the US .. I ve tried a few places here and either they were mediocre or mediocre and so expensive .. so I have decided to prepare some myself ( Editor's note: I CANT COOK TO SAVE MY LIFE!!!!) But all will change... today I prepare my first PAD THAI and although I had to do some substitutions of the ingredients it turned out pretty good!
Will I ever be able to make Sushi?? Doubt it... I will go back to New York for that!
Big kiss

PAD THAI
Ingredients:
4 ounces dried Thai rice sticks*

3 tablespoons vegetable oil
8 ounces uncooked medium shrimp, peeled, deveined
3/4 cup 1/2-inch pieces firm tofu (about 6 ounces)
1/4 cup finely chopped radishes
2 teaspoons paprika
1 large egg, beaten to blend
2 cups mung bean sprouts
2 cups green onions, cut diagonally into 1-inch pieces
1/4 cup fish sauce (nam pla)*
3 tablespoons rice vinegar
4 teaspoons sugar
1/4 cup finely chopped roasted unsalted peanuts
Lime wedges

Preparation

Soak dried rice sticks in large bowl of warm water until just tender, about 1 hour. Drain rice sticks well.

Heat oil in large nonstick skillet over high heat. Add shrimp; stir-fry until pink and opaque in center, about 2 minutes. Transfer to plate. Add tofu, radishes, and paprika to skillet; stir-fry until tofu browns, about 2 minutes. Add egg; stir until set, breaking up with spoon, about 1 minute. Add drained rice sticks, mung bean sprouts, green onions, fish sauce, rice vinegar, and sugar. Stir-fry until heated through, about 2 minutes. Transfer to serving dish. Top with chopped peanuts. Serve with lime wedges.

*Thai rice sticks (flat, dried Thai noodles) and fish sauce (nam pla) are available at Asian markets.

Going back to school!

2007-11-19T10:12:00.000+01:00

So today I go back being a student!!!

Learning German so I can one day be able to fully understand the evening news ! ( and I don't mean CNN!)

tchuss

This makes me MAD!!!!

2007-11-18T07:29:00.001+01:00

If you want to know what makes me real MAD... click here!
And this is how you can help!
Thanks

In 238 Days! or 34 Fridays!

2007-11-16T13:38:00.000+01:00

What will YOU be doing in 238 days?

I needed an Inspiration Motivation ... and it might be crazy but I just signed up for a Triathlon.

The Zurich Triathlon that will take place on Saturday July 12 2008. Crazy!
I chose the Olympic Distance with 1.5 KM swim, 40 Km bike AND 10 Km Run!
CCRAAAAAZZZYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It will be NOTHING compared to cancer!
I will need plenty of support so start planning that trip !

Big kiss

Chocolate!

2007-11-15T13:10:00.000+01:00

Many of you that know me well are familiar that often I make "promises" to give up something for a certain limited time. In Italian its called a Fioretto. It does have roots on sacrifice during Lent season but mine has not been a religious driven one.

So my latest "Fioretto" was to give up chocolate until I had my first clear scans after remission. Normally this would have been hard but not unbearable if it wasn't to the fact that I move to Switzerland. THE LAND OF CHOCOLATE! So .. I had drewelled (sp?) over the windows and supermarket aisles .. .just dreaming of having a piece of chocolate.

Well... I have INDULGED in chocky ( the way the Swiss say it!) for the past 36 hrs... I dare to say that I might even have given myself a headache from it!

So what? Life is good and even better with some chocolate in it!!!

PS: I will be giving up something else soon.. not sure what!

Happy & Grateful!

2007-11-14T07:39:00.000+01:00

So the test came and went and on the same day, at 9 pm at night, my dear Dr. Strebel called me with the good news that the scans were clean. His words: "scans looked like someone who never had cancer before". He was so sweet and genuinely as happy as I was to be able to deliver the news. Needless to say that celebration broke out at the Giessmann house hold. I feel so fortunate and grateful! Grateful that I am cancer free, grateful that now I have hair and have to begin to worry about bad hair days, grateful that I must use my tweezers on my eyebrows again, grateful that I have a cold and is just that a cold, like every other "normal person".
Thank you for the good wishes, prayers and vibes! Next scan in about 4 months! I will try to worry about that one only in 3 months and 3 weeks :)
much love to all
big kiss

Calling on my Angels!

2007-11-12T14:05:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow is my PET/CAT scan... As I am confident that all will be good... I still want to call on all my angels to say a special prayer or send a special vibe!
thank you in advance

NINETY DAYS!

2007-11-04T15:39:00.001+01:00

I was going to write this whole thing but once I put the pics together I realized I don't really need to write much... you can see from above!
Today marks One Trimester, 3 Months, 90 Days, 12 Weeks that I am off treatment... It seems a lifetime ago and also an instant ago. While unpacking some last boxes I found my "chemo socks" and emotions came running ... but also being able to bike 20 Km and swim 2 Km in one day makes me feel how far I have come.
I purposely have not written about cancer and my remission. Me and you, we all needed a break but as my 3 month PET scan comes upon us I must admit how nervous and AFRAID I am. I don't want it to EVER come back.
BACK OFF CANCER!!!!
Much love to all

Wine Tasting @ The Wine Loft

2007-10-29T15:23:00.000+01:00

If you are a wine lover, I know where we will go when you come and visit !

Last Friday I went to this Wine Tasting at this super neat place called The Wine Loft .

Below are the wines we tried and the notes that a new friend, Libby, took . The funniest comment.. The swiss don't like Swiss Wine. It was a really wonderful evening filled with good wine and new friends!

WHITES
1. Schlossgut Diel, Reisling, 2000, Germany

"Fruity, tropical, dry."

2. Weingut Robert Weil, Riesling, 1999, Germany

"Fruity and dry also, but a year older, and you can taste the change in the wine. It has a stone flavour (if you imagine a moist stone on a hot day in your hands), and a slight petrol aftertaste.

You wouldn't drink this with food. It would be on its own with you reading a book in a hammock on a hot day."

3. (didn't get the name or date), Switzerland

"The Swiss don't drink their own wines."

REDS
4. Petit Castel, 1999, Israel

"Gritty, and you can start to taste the new flavours which come as it gets older. Truffle, and dirt in the forest. Also like a horse."

(Although on consideration maybe he meant good to drink if you're eating horse?)

5. (didn't get the name), 2005, Spain

"No corners, soft, round, good with pasta"

6. Monta Peloso, Toscana, 2004, Italy

"Darker, stronger; smooth, good for vegetarian food, or red meat, venison."

Big Kiss to all

26.2 miles vs 42 Km!

2007-10-29T07:39:00.000+01:00

So yesterday Carsten ran his first European Marathon!
The Lucerne Marathon in dah! Lucerne!
He did great finishing at 3:33 mins. On the way back we talked about how your mind plays such an important role in anything that you do as yesterday Carsten ran 42 KM and not 26.2 Miles ... The distance is exactly the same but the numbering piling up made him feel that he was running longer!
Congratulations Amore!

PS: At least I weigh less in Kilos then in Pounds!

I miss Mika!!!!!!

2007-10-26T13:52:00.000+02:00

Mika: A Chica ta com muitas saudades suas! Como vai tudo na escola? to sabendo que voce anda aprotando.. .cuidado com essas Freiras!
da um beijo grande pra todos
beijos enormes
Dindinha: CHICA

PS: This is Mika, my Godson, I miss him so much!

Roasted Chestnuts!!!

2007-10-25T09:23:00.001+02:00

Zurich is filled with carts selling Roasted Chestnuts! The smell is delicious and they taste even better! They are my new Guilty pleasure... like Pretzels with mustard were in NYC! Plus they come in these cool double bags so you can put the peel in one side and keep the whole ones in the other! Yummy!

Provence chez Residence Miro !

2007-10-24T11:40:00.000+02:00

Last week we spent a week in France. We went to see our dear friends, Sabine & Benoit ( and their adorable kids: Camille, Matteo and Thobias). Sabine and Benoit own this adorable "Residence" in a town in Southern France called Les Arcs, about 20 min from St. Tropez. We went to visit them when they ran a small hotel in the Ivory Coast. The World Best Hosts.

Carsten, Leonardo and I had a real good time spending time together and eating tons of bread & croissant and at night drinking Liters ( I am back in the metric system!) of Great Rose Wine from Provence with Sabine and Benoit.

It was our first vacation here and by the end of the week I was read to "go back home" and that already meant our place in Switzerland, so I guess we are officially settled.

I have been trying to be more active and have been swimming a few days a week and soon will put my bike to work. Carsten's work is going well , next week he will go to Hamburg but just for a couple of days. Leonardo is also enjoying but he is definitely a kid that likes his vacations and when time to get back to school came.. it was a FIGHT! But all good.

Many kisses to all

PS: Here the link to the Residence Miro
PS: If you go and you are cool, Benoit brings you fresh baguette, croissant AND pain au chocolate to your door in the morning.... ( AMAZING!!!!)

Is it also called BLIND DATE???

2007-10-11T16:14:00.000+02:00

I have been doing a lot of "blind dating".. but not the one that you go thinking that you may meet the love of your life but rather a great friendship.

In many ways, some through a friend that has said: - I have this friend in Zurich you should call! ; or through the Google SPOOGLER group ( spouses of googlers) I have been setting up this "meetings". On my way to my latest one this week I ponder the similarities of these type of Blind dates and the "other ones"...

In both cases you want to make a good impression , so I found myself making sure that I arrived on time and was wearing something presentable. Nothing too trendy or way out there. Also not conservative either.

I tried to find out something about my "dates", you see, back in the date when I did the "other" type of blind dating ( Thank God not many) there was no Google and the Internet wasn't what is today so I couldn't just Google him and find out if he had been in jail for mass murder.

In the end, unlike my "real blind dates" I have met wonderful people so far and although I am not wondering weather it will last forever or when he will call again... I do hope that these early connections of my life in Switzerland are just the beginning of the friendships that I will build here!

Nice to meet you Julie, Aniko, Alice and Franziska! Hope to see you soon!

ciao
F.

Ps: I did wear lip gloss!!!
PS2: the poster is from the exhibit of Felix Vallotton that we visited!

Swiss Rage????

2007-10-08T10:51:00.000+02:00

So....we are settling in and those are very interesting times to be in Switzerland... even more being a foreigner in Switzerland.

On Oct 21st, The Swiss will have its General Election and lately , one particular issue has been making headlines and even some pretty "steamy" demonstrations.

I guess this blog will evolve to my new life in CH so I couldn't help sharing this article from todays' NYT.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/08/world/europe/08swiss.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

The move arrived and although at first I taught the unpacking would never end.. it is all coming together and we are definitely HOME. Still some few boxes to unpack ( shoes???? bags???accessories???) I miss my walk in closet!

We have been in Austria and next week will spend a week in Provence, France. The beauty of being a few hours drive/train from so many beautiful places. Leonardo and I are slowly picking up some German... It will take some time!

Sorry no pics yet... they will come..

many kisses and much love

A Long overdue update!!!

2007-09-27T07:42:00.000+02:00

So , after the great news late August , Carsten, Leonardo and I jumped on a plane and spent a much needed week under the Bahamian Sun... It was fantastic... Cancer came and left my mind and by the end of the week it was almost all out. I rapidilly gained strenght and we enjoyed lots of ocean swimming and walking on the beach.

Back home the move to Switzerland was put in full gear. Packers, movers, selling stuff... it all went so fast.

How do you begin to say goodbye ??? Words will never be enough to show how heart wrenching some of the goodbyes were but we will all meet again and this move has such a symbolic meaning to us... I am finally healthy and cancer free.. so we can go! So often, when I wasn't feeeling well I would visualize the Mountains of Switzerland and see myself there with Leonardo and Carsten.

Well... Here we are!!!!

We arrived 10 days ago and are beginning to settle in. The apartment is a gem , with a view to the lake and only a 15 min train ride to Zurich. Leo started school and he has loved it and hated it! All and all he is adjusting well for a 3 year old that is sleeping on an air matress and has been put into a completelly different enviroment! He will do just fine!

And I will slowly build my life here.. right now the "pains of the beginning" are acting up, but they will pass.

I am focusing on getting my small family settled.. we are waiting for the container and I am looking for German classes. I hope that I will patient enough and wait untill I start looking for a job. But I know that I can be restless.

Much more to come ..soon.

Big Kiss

Now is Maintenance!

2007-08-23T20:46:00.000+02:00

After 5 long months, I am officially done with treatment and in the new stage called Maintenance.

I guess doctors never say you are cancer free but I am as free as it gets right now. An overwhelming feeling takes over me as I sit here and share this wonderful news with you, who have been there in good and bad times.

Weather was a hospital visit to cheer me up, an email to show that you cared or a great fun-laughter filled dinner that made me forget what I was going through. I will always be grateful for all that you have done and the friendship that you gave me. As I said a while back: I feel very lucky! and wish nothing but the best of health for all of us. Please count your blessings everyday and don't take anything for granted as you NEVER know when things (and I certainly don't mean material) will be taken away from you. Cherish every moment and make every day count; even the hard ones.

Now is celebration time. Lots of sushi, manicures, spa treatments, and goodbyes as we prepare to make the long awaited move to beautiful Switzerland.

Many , many kisses and a warm hug and once again: many, many thanks.

lots of love

Francesca

--
LIVESTRONG,
Francesca Giessmann

Life coming full cirlce! Please go out and give blood!!!!

2007-08-14T16:10:00.000+02:00

More than 10 years ago I worked with my friend Renee. We were an odd match. She was a 30 something suburban Mom and I was a 20 something Manhattan party girl. But we clicked and often we spent the early time of the morning chatting and learning about each others lives. We even went on a trip to Chicago that until today if I think about it, it makes me laugh. She has beautiful shoulders ( she will be happy that I said that! But she does, honestly!)
One morning Renee seemed upset and after asking she told me that she had promised a close friend of hers , whose brother had cancer, to go to the hospital and donate blood, platelets actually. But Renee's daughter had a cold and she was afraid she was coming down with something too and the hospital wouldn't risk it . I said: If they don't mind the blood of a stranger, I will go! And after a few phone calls, I was sitting at MSK and getting my blood pumped out, going through a machine to get the platelets out and putting it back in. I had been a donor before and did it after words but I definitely could have done more often!
My heart ached when I later learned that although he put up a big fight, my friends' friend and my "blood brother" had passed away. I never met him!

So. .why I am telling you this? Yesterday morning I felt great .. really good.. even dropped the yoga pants and was wearing something a little less "iamsickleavemealoneijustwanttobeconfortable" outfit. But after a blood test at the clinic, my counts were dangerously low, and they ordered a Blood transfusion , then I asked: can I call someone to come and donate for me, they said that i could for future times but they were really advising me to get blood from the bank as i was in serious risk of an infection/bacteria. ( i don't want that) . So after a lot of other tests , I received 2 bags of blood, from 2 good souls, that I never met. As I watched my body becoming a Vampire I couldn't help but think of my friend's friend and what a gift donating blood is , specially if it is not donor to donor.

SO THIS IS WHAT I NEED TO ASK: Many of you have been so wonderful in calling/emailing asking what you could do for me, this is what you can do: GO AND DONATE BLOOD TO YOUR LOCAL BANK!!!!! BUT PLEASE DO IT! Pretend that I called and said: can you come over and donate some blood to me.. it will be the same thing! I know you all think is the right thing to do but we just never, or just too seldom, come around to do it. There is an overwhelming need for blood out there, imagine if they didn't have blood for me??? Well they did and these 2 nameless stranger have just been added to my list of guardian angels.

I feel good and I am eager to get the PET scan on Thursday , I will keep you all posted , BUT PLEASE GO OUT AND DONATE BLOOD because unfortunately due to this stupid cancer , I will never be able to do it again!
For more information : www.givelife.org

much love
xoxoxoxo

Knitting! EAT! PRAY! LOVE!

2007-08-09T21:11:00.000+02:00

I think the first thing I must do is officially, publicly Thank my dear friend Alexandra. I am in such debt with her... for keeping the blog and for holding my hand ( and everything in between--- and there is A LOT in between! ). Valeu Xanda... logo logo agente vai sair por ai e olhar pra tudo isso no retrovisor! E tenho certeza dar umas rizadas aqui e ali!

I am back home, from what MIGHT ( yes, might , maybe, probably, likely) my last treatment. The stay in the hospital was fine and thanks for the visits... I know that for some schlepping to NJ is a very big deal and I am very grateful.

My Dad came to visit, it was great (that is him on the pic and I decided to put vanity aside and please the curious people with a picture of how I look! ) . Carsten took Leonardo to see his cousins in Texas and that alleviated the stress to have Leonardo calling asking when I was coming home.

Believe it or not, I pick up knitting. I know, I couldn't have envision myself doing it but is therapeutical, and I feel I am making something. Plus it keeps my hands away from the cookie jar. ( the steroids are horrible and I look like a Macy's Float).

Many great books lately but my favorite for a while is a book that my friend Kerstin gave me called: EAT! PRAY! LOVE! ( all that I love to do !!!)

Next PET on 8/16 and Dr visit on 8/20. I will keep all posted.

Much love to all,

She is well! Really!

2007-07-15T15:25:00.000+02:00

Francesca will probably come back home today. PROBABLY, may be tomorrow, who knows ... but for all of you that checked in with me - I promise she is totally well!

"She is in the hospital" raises flags, "what is the matter?". Nothing is wrong - but the hospital is a safer environment for her to be in while undergoing these last few treatments, as the last spinal chemo didn't sit too well with her.

Two weeks ago, three days after a spinal chemo, hours after Carsten flew to Switzerland, a migraine kicked in, so powerful, the doctors suggested she goes to the hospital. I went with her. Rock bottom is a haunting image. The color on her face fading right in front of my eyes, her eyes would roll backwards, her hearing skipping, her head exploding. And than .... you known THAT scene in the exorcist - YEAP. Like that. Picture this ... a room in the cancer center, much like an Emergency Room. Bed after bed, curtains in between for privacy. All patients face this "island" where nurses keep their paperwork, magical fluids, syringes and plastic gloves. The guy next to us spoke louder than Francesca, he was getting ready for bone marrow transplant. A male nurse was with him, telling him how to clean his ... (never mind, I wont share the details of that conversation happening TWO feet from us). Francesca was delirious so much pain she was in, from time to time she would hold on to my arm, hanging on for dear life. She was getting worst by the minute. I kept thinking there has to be something they can give her. IV was in, morphine, anti many things pumping into her veins and nothing was helping her. THEN, two nurses went back into the island. Behind the counter was a cabinet, behind the cabinet a safe, like in banks, vault and everything. They put on gloves, signed a bunch of papers, clicked it open and took this tiny container of I cant imagine what. And whatever that was, was pumped into Francesca veins. She got high immediately! It scared her a bit. We screamed "Nurse, bucket" couple of times that day. But thank God for nurses and doctors and medicines ... magical! Things fluctuated from terrible to okay all day long. And in the middle of it all, one of the nurses inquiries - as if the situation called for small talk - "are you sisters?" :)

I guess somethings never change, huh?

We can't help but smile at it all!

And PS: Chica - minha bolsa ta aqui, nao se preocupe com isso; tambem nao esqueci da esperenca, das regras do jogo do contente, da promessa de tomar uma crystal, do otimismo e Bali - com certeza!

Aquele abraco,
Xanda

The Scum

2007-07-10T03:53:00.000+02:00

So The Scum Cancer looked me in the eye and said: Hey Tough Girl! You think is that easy??? You think you can just look me down and be all strong and get me out of your life like that? without pain? tears? fears? ... I gave you an easy start...I usually do that to young people and then I kick them and punch them and they see my sthrenght .... I take them way down... make them beg... watch them cry and be so so scared... who did you think you were? Big Tough Girl? so what??? Get up!!!!! Put on your pretty pink punching gloves 'cause the fight ain't over.....

After stumbling on my feet ... I looked right back at it.. and said... COME GET ME! YOU BITCH! Don't mess with my Pink Gloves!!!!!

The Truth.... Nothing but the Truth!

2007-07-07T23:30:00.000+02:00

So... I have not been been travelling to Bali nor have I gone to full body liposuction to Brazil...

The truth is I have been very sick and had to stay in the hospital for close to a week. scary? overwhelming? depressing? All of the above but I came home yesterday and I have to start to get my positive outlook back as Dr. Goy told me I will undergo a few more chemos and at that time I will stay at the hospital for a week at that time so they can monitor how I feel.

Carsten and I call him "Ratatouille" .. he is great !!! So was everyone back at the hospital , a place I really had not visited since the beginning of this whole ordeal. The Cancer Center is operated as a very independent entity from the hospital, different nurses, different protocols.. much more like a Day Spa and the hospital is like a Destination Spa ( am i going crazy???? NO, just trying to find good lighthearted analogy's)

Although I am not proud of being sick , I am proud that I have mastered some lingo and can actually give some meaningful advise /suggestions to my care team. I Know what nepogen is and the names of many other drugs and I know what they do and the effect that they have on my body...and that is empowering... in some level... I am not so clueless anymore.

Leonardo thought I "was working" and when I came home he said: No working so long Mommy!!!! with tears in my eyes I hugged him tight and forgot a lot of the pain....

I will keep everyone updated and thanks for all the well wishes..

PS: Xanda: Valeu! Talvez era essa a vez que voce tinha que ter vindo comigo... eu sei que deve ter sido horrivel me ver daquele jeito mas eu senti tanta forca com voce e Gracas a Deus voce nao esqueceu a sua bolsa!!!! Vamos pra Bali?????

PS: I will go to Bali once and MAYBE do a whole body liposuction too.... big kiss xoxoxoxox

I need another title for the book...

2007-06-26T01:43:00.000+02:00

Two weeks ago I was talking to my friend Stacey Gee and I told her that if everything went well and according to plan that the name of my book would be Backing Off Cancer in 90 days!

Well .. I need another title. Carsten and I met with Dr Goy and after reviewing my latest PET/CT scans he suggested that I have 4 ( yes... FOUR!!!!) more cycles of chemo... There are many reasons for that and to many medical terms that I am not so familiar and would not have a clue on how to spell them for me to explain this better but in short is that the mass has continued to decrease but in a much slower pace and that radiation at first was an option but due to the fact that A) mass to close to heart and B) the cancer had originally already travelled to at least one more place ( pancreas) that the chemo might be the best treatment to really kill all that is left.

I learnt recently that in the CW ( cancer world) there are to many :mights, probably, most likely and very few: for sure, certain, etc. The truth is that they are learning as they go...

Needless to say I was very disappointed... maybe I was being over optimistic but I really thought the appointment was more like... a "wrapping up"... I was wrong... With Chemos come so much other shit ... like injections , fatigue , steroids, ... But I will not let this small bump in the road discourage me ... I may have to postpone a few things... my hair will take a little longer to grow... but I still see the finish line and a beautiful life after cancer.

much love to all
xoxo

It's really all a POV !!!

2007-06-14T23:00:00.000+02:00

I guess I had my proof today that is all a Point of View!!!

As I have not felt very well, I have been walking around with this new mantra: IT'S ALMOST OVER!!

Lately, every time someone asked me how I was feeling, this is what I would answer, .. it's almost over... I would wake up and tell Carsten: -It's almost over!

So today at The Clinic.. after many "it's almost over".. I got on the elevator and a beautiful nurse ( who saw on my face what I was going through) asked me: How are you feeling? and there went my answer....

she looked and me and said: - NO... IT'S ALMOST BEGINNING!!!!! And God was she right.... !

Big Kiss to all
xoxox
F