2 years journey ! No words needed!

From 13 steps to 13 miles

Dear Friends:

As many of you know, I recently celebrated a very special milestone in cancer world: 2 years in remission. I AM SO LUCKY! For the few out there that are not familiar with the subject, studies show that the recurrence of cancer is higher during the first 2 years after treatment.

Cancer has not left my life though. Paired with the side effects of an aggressive chemo treatment , Cancer wanted to get close to me in another form ; My Dad. My gorgeous , young , charming father has been fighting a courageous battle with metastasized cancer since this past spring and while there are better days than others we are lucky that he has had an incredible team of doctors and while at first we thought that he wasn't going to make it till Christmas we are now very optimistic that Santa will have a gift for him in his bag. Maybe it will even be in the form of remission, a cancer free life.

I am about to celebrate all that I am grateful for by joining other survivors and caregiver in San Francisco for the NIKE Half- Marathon benefiting The Lymphoma and Leukemia Society on October 18.

When I was sick I often talked about the humbling moment when I was just not able to take the 13 flights of steps in my house. I started it and half way through it I had to sit down, take my breath and then continue. So now I can look into cancer 's eye and say : "-take that! Now I will be running/walking 13 MILES as the half marathon". I am doing this in honor of my father and the people that are now undergoing treatment and are facing "their 13 steps".

I am personally making a donation as my family and I are grateful for the research efforts of the LLS. With no obligation to act , here is my fundraising page that I just put together as so many of you have so generously asked me about.

Although 2 years have gone by, not a day goes by that I don't stop, say a prayer and thank the universe for the love that I received from you during the trying times of my treatment and beyond. Many of you deserve a piece of this celebration. So, on Oct 18th, weather in SF or anywhere around the world, please raise a glass of bubbles and celebrate LIFE!

with much love

Francesca, Carsten and Leonardo

Some cancer facts and for more please visit :www.livestrong.org

There are more than 10.5 million cancer survivors living in the United States today. This number has more than tripled in the past 30 years. The number of survivors will grow as the population ages and progress against cancer continues.

1.4 million Americans are expected to be diagnosed with cancer this year. 560,000 Americans are expected to die from cancer this year, or more than 1,500 per day.

Nearly 1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women will develop cancer during their lifetime.

Within the next decade, cancer is likely to replace heart disease as the leading cause of death in the U.S. It is already the biggest killer of those under the age of 85. Today 65% of adults diagnosed with cancer will be alive five years after diagnosis, up from 50% in the 1970s. African-American men and women have the highest mortality rates for all cancer sites combined.

While dramatic survival improvements have been achieved in patients diagnosed with cancer at age 15 or younger and steady improvement has been made against a number of cancers common among those over age 40, little or no progress has been seen in the adolescent and young adult population. In fact, among those aged 25 to 35 years, survival has not improved in more than two decades.

Lesson : Friendship---- CHECK!

If you have had any "deep " conversation with me during the past 2 years since my diagnosis you for sure have heard that one my fears, and probably my only BIG fear, was to leave Leonardo too soon . A mother leaving a child would always seem soon but what I feared was that I would not be able to share with L. some of my deep values and my passions. Sure he would have heard stories and read journals but I wanted to live and experience the moment with him.

I am blessed in many ways, and my friendships are my most valued asset. I just plain LOVE my friends. They come in all shapes and colors. They love from the Grateful Dead to Britney Spears. Some are Pro life, some a pro choice. Some a pot head hippies and some are living the high life somewhere around the globe. Some I need our daily interaction as much as a lifeline while others I have only shared few moments together . But some things I assure you they all have in common. They are all lovely people. They would not hurt an animal or a child. They would save the environment. They would do "the right thing".

The lesson of friendship was a very important one for me to teach / share with L. I knew that if he saw my relationship with my friends, how much I love them, respect them, and miss them that he would learn the lesson , without it having to be thought.

Yesterday L. had his best mate here for a sleep over. Their friendship is special. I can feel it. They were going crazy, like 5 year old boys should . And after a long time of "monster noises", giggles, pillow fights, I suddenly heard SILENCE from the boys room.

Carefully I opened the door, and they were passed out...each on their own bed ...with arms stretched out ..... HOLDING HANDS.

And at that moment with my heart filled with joy I heard the Universe telling me.... LESSON LEARNED!

A Brilliant LIFE!

Not often people can touch you and your life in immense form. Even more rarely is when you have never met the person . My admiration for Shin was bigger than that. And I continue to admire her even after she has left this life.

I wanted to write about her . But I believe that the eulogy from her husband is a much more fitting one.

Rest well Shin NA! And Thank you!

For shins story please visit:
http://shinscancerblog.blogspot.com/

big kiss
xo

Dear Cancer:

Look into my eyes. I think you will see that fear is being replaced with Hope and a bit of Rage. If I were you I would be really , really scared.

So I have news for you: Pay close attention!

- I will not close myself in a dark room and cry with fears that you are getting close to me again.
- I will not be paralyzed just expecting you to come visit again.. .I AM FIGHTING AGAINST YOU and like Amy says... I am playing DEFENSE
- I will not longer be afraid of a move because that may mean new doctors/insurances/etc... We ARE moving ... and I will show you that my fight will be better and stronger.
- I will no longer just HOPE for a cure to send you back to the ugly place you came from.. I will be actively involved in actions and organizations that have CURE CANCER on their business plans.

It 's ok Cancer... are you scared? It is ok..

Just Bow to me and walk/stay away .. I have my life, my family that need me without having ALWAYS your stupid name coming up.

Oh ..and one more thing: remember all the weight ( literally ) that you left behind??? yes , that one from all the *shit* you had me take so I could stay alive and Kick your ass??? Oh... I am happy to tell you that that too is on its way out. I am back on my skinny jeans ( oh, skinny for me at least! :) )

So Cancer... SAYONARA ... bye bye...tchuss ! Go get lost ! I am seriously DONE with you.

big kiss
xo
fg

A Big Step ..

As you can see I changed the picture. I was very , VERY , reluctant to do it. It almost feels like cheating and "jinxing myself".

This blog is about cancer and LIFE WITH CANCER .

" Cancer may leave your body but it never leaves your mind"

But it is done.. and in a cautious way it represent a new chapter. This blog will be less about cancer and more about living.

I hope you like the picture. Specially M and Tia Vi!
big kisses

Thank You Santa!

I am happy you came early and that you gave me the best gift!
CLEAN SCANS!
xo

Dear Santa...

I have been a good girl.. and there is only one wish on my list ... a bit early I ask you ...
thank you

Cancer : The Terrorist

I have a friend who makes fun of my cancer analogies.

Last week as I watched the terrorist attacks in Bombay I could not help but think that the terrorist were acting like cancer. They were shooting anyone in sight. No reason ( even if some reports have confirmed that they were targeting and aimed to a specific group)

As my heart clinged in watching live on CNN these shootings , I compared them with my most recent Dr visit and its waiting room. A collective of lives. The elderly couple who seemed to be confortable in where they were, the mid forties gentleman who was busy with his iPhone but that thinning hair and a suit that clearly seemed too loose for fashion showed that maybe he was mid way through treatment. A woman who was biting her nails and I overheard her tell that that was her first appointment and she was waiting to hear what the tests showed. A young man, maybe 25 , bald but looking somewhat healthy. And then me.

Where is the analogy?

Well, much like people in Bombay that were dodging the terrorist bullets. .we were all there, trying to dodge the cancer bullet. Some were avoiding it for the 1st time, while others had suffered an attack before but were hiding in a dark corner so the cancer bullet did not hit them. I fall in that category, ... I hide , in the darkest spot, I stay quiet, I wait to hear that is all clear. But unlike the terrorist, No one is catching cancer and if it wants to get me.. it will.. I cant hide.

But I am hiding, staying very very quiet, and gratefully that Terrorist cancer has left me alone... it has plenty of other people to aim to.

This sounds a bit depressing, SORRY! It is not what is meant to . I feel good and hopeful that the beast will stay away. I am trying to take some steps in my lifestyle that will even diminishes the chance of the beast coming back. But the fear sometimes is just as raw as it was 17 months ago. If I sneeze one time too many, if I sweat a little bit a night, if I "think I feel something"...

But all is good... and I continue to be very very grateful and trying to find this such elusive place as "Moving ON"...

with much love and a belated thanksgiving to all
with love
xo
fg

The Hug Saint

I love Hugs, I believe the act of hugging someone is a beautiful one and I make a point of hugging my loved ones when we say good buy or just for no reason. We have a tradition in our house that before L. goes to bed, we give a Family Hug. I am not sure how it started but now is a very important ritual that I will carry it forever.

So.... a very dear friend, Caliope, is a devout follower of Amma, or The Hug Saint as she is sometimes referred to. Amma basically wants to HUG the world and save children and woman from suffering in India.

Amma travels a lot to give Darshan ( or HUG thousands of people) . Caliope had mentioned that she received a HUG last year and how the experience had moved her. Amma was in Switzerland last year but I was still to frail to face big crowds so I missed her visit but NOT today. Today the 3 of us received THE BIGGEST GROUP Hug from Amma and it was incredible. I was worried that L. was going to be freaked out with the whole experience but he was totally cool and I dare say he enjoyed that special moment.

I feel very privileged today.. not only for the HUG that I received and for having enjoyed this past year of good health but mostly because tonight, we will have our FAMILY HUG ...

Please hug a loved one today.. and maybe dare a little... hug someone that you are not so close with , hug someone that maybe you had a fight with// but please just HUG because you CAN!

PS: GO AMY !!!!GO!!!! I am so proud of you!

big kiss and a HUGE HUG
with love
xo
fg

The "Why?" phase

I think L. first word was WHY???, his "why? phase" started as soon as he could speak and I must say that I see no end in sight for that one... He is a "why?" kind of boy....

For now, most of his questions , we are able to answer , some I have to remember early science classes or I have to google the answers.

I do worry when some of his questions will be much harder to answer. Such as "why there are wars?" ; "why people kill one another?"; "why people get cancer?"; "why some people can not receive appropriate care?"; why are people not doing more ???

Those questions will be very very hard to answer, .. I just hope I will be around to try to to find the answers to satisfy this boy's curiosity ...

Big kiss

xo
FG

By popular demand....

I am posting these pics of my CRAZY hair.... ( Lina: they are for you!!!) and like Amy said: CRAZY hair better then NO HAIR!!!!
big kiss all

Greifensee Lauf

C. has always been a runner and I have been to endless races and cheered on. When I was pregnant with L. he did a off-road Marathon in Maryland that included several kids races and we then said that one day we were all going to run together. Today was it.

The Greifensee Lauf , in one of the most beautiful places of Switzerland, the weather was Gorgeous and although I did not feel well all week ( major Cold!) , I was so excited to be able to participate. L. ran the 1.2 km ( he said that running "is not his thing") , I then ran the 5.5 KM and C. the half marathon


It was the first "race" post cancer and although the kms were not many I am thrilled to be able to do it and cross the finish line. I was afraid I was going to be last ( and although I wasn't) I know to well that many people facing the big C. can barely walk from their bed to the door and that there are many grieving families out there that would do everything to see their loved ones be the last on a race... Today I ran for Health & Hope!!!

It was special to have us all together ... This day also goes into the Memory Bank!

Big kiss

ONE YEAR IN CH!!!!

Today marks one year that we have arrived in Switzerland... In spite of some trying times, I am very grateful for the experiences we had here so far.
I am not talking about hiking some incredible mountains, swimming in pristine lakes or eating the most amazing cheeses.
As I think back, moving to a new "universe" paired with learning how to become a cancer survivor and not more a patient was very hard. Harder than what I imagined and have, at times, admitted even to myself.
But as I look back, I can only be proud of my little family. We faced the storms with so much love and understanding. We stood by each other on a good and on a bad day.
Amore: Thank you , for everything!
with love ,
xoxo

A day that changes everything...

I can't quite believe that it was 7 years ago . I think most people can remember where , with whom they were on 9.11.2001. I was in NYC.. about a 1/2 mile up from the towers. We were working and someone came in the back and said: - A plane ACCIDENTALLY hit the WTC. We ran to a TV and began to watch... and from one plane... it became another, and another .. and from Accidentally.. it became an Act of Terrorism.

Still a bit surreal , what did I think back then that I was going to be doing 7 years later. So much has happened... mostly JUST GOOD.. but also bad, as in cancer.

With all due respect to all people affected by the 9/11 Tragedies... Cancer is much worse than 9/11. Not because I suffered through it... but the numbers are astonishing.

Every day 1500 people die of cancer in the US alone... so ..(again without offending anyone)... cancer kills as many people as 9/11 EVERY 2 DAYS!!!!! Crazy...

And don't get me started on all the money that has been spent by government to make something like a Revenge... or find the people who did it!!!

Please.. bring these kids HOME.... leave the land that IS NOT YOURS... and start spending the money on disease prevention and research ( amongst many others needy causes) ...

So for me.. the day that changed everything ... was 3.21.2007...... My 9/11.

Today I really MISS NEW YORK!!!!

big kiss to everyone...

STAND UP 2 CANCER

Beyonce: The heart is stronger than you think,
It’s like it can go through anything.
And even when you think it can’t it finds a way to still push on, though

Carrie: Sometimes you want to run away, Ain’t got the patience for the pain
And if you don’t believe it look into, your heart the beat goes on

Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that,

Rihanna/Miley: Things get better, Through whatever

Rihanna: If you fall, dust it off, don’t let up

Sheryl: Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle

Beyonce: You need to know

CHORUS :
Sheryl: If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough, But the heart keeps telling you don’t give up

Sheryl/Beyonce: Who are we to be..questioning, wondering what is what
Don’t give up…THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Fergie: It’s like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face

Leona: Just because you go through it

Fergie: Don’t mean it got to take control, no

Leona: You ain’t gotta find no hiding place

Keyshia: Because the heart can beat the hate

Leona: Don’t wanna let your mind keep playin’ you

Keyshia: And sayin’ you can’t go on

Rihanna: I’m tellin’ you that

Miley: Things get better
Through whatever

Rihanna: If you fall

Miley: Dust if off, don’t let up

LeAnn: Don’t you know you

Natasha: Can go

LeAnn: Be your own

Natasha: Miracle

Carrie: You need to know

Ensemble: CHORUS

Mary: You don’t gotta be a prisoner in your mind

Ciara: If you fall, dust it off

Mary: You can live your life

Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah

Mary: Let your heart be your guide

Rihanna/Carrie: Yeah yeah yeah

Mariah: And you will know that you’re good if you trust in the good

Ashanti: Everything will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart

Mary: And it will get better

Mariah: Through whatever

CHORUS

Fergie: You got it in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
Find it within you, find it within

Everyone: THROUGH IT ALL, JUST STAND UP!

Thank You

And I breathe...

it was scary.. very scary.. the blood test showed a very elevated LDH ... which caused everyone to be very worried ....but gratefully my PET of this morning shows me in COMPLETE REMISSION!!!!!
thank you...
thank you ..
thank you

Calling ALL My Angels..

tomorrow morning I need it.. really need it... Please !

Conquering a Hill!

I have been back on my bike... and today , I will be conquering a new HILL.. a really big one... but there is nothing that I cannot do... Hills are very metaphoric , and like everything else that seems impossible... yes you can do it!
So Hills, here I come!

Sometimes it is just TO MUCH....

Sometimes the reality , brutality and unfairness of cancer is just to much.... we, so called survivors, watch fellow cancer sisters and brothers face the beast and sometimes succumb to it... Their fight is our fight... their anger is our anger.. their pain is our pain.. . and their fear is our fear....

Dino: keep on climbing that mountain.. it does seem endless but you will soon see the green on the other side.

Shin: it must have been scary... i have been thinking of you all day... not seeing your post was just too scary... I do hope to continue to "hear " your voice ....

stay strong and LIVESTRONG