Woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend... Just when I thought life could not get any better I heard a knock on my door, it was Cancer.
It changed everything but not for the worse. I choose Life and Hope .
BACK OFF CANCER is what I say!

The beginning of this journey...shaving my head

The beginning of this journey...shaving my head
Me, Francesca, on April 1st 2007, the day I shaved my head....

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Guilt

I feel guilty. Actually I feel horrible. How easy we forget the road we traveled . While I am here complaining that I don't want a "BS" job or that this is not right or that ... I forgot about the people that are fighting the big C and are just happy to get ONE more day to spend here ..in good health with their loved ones.

There is something about "the cancer bond". .it is truly something special ( I will actually post more about that soon!) .. membership of the club that no one wanted to join..but here we are, a part of it. And there is something that keeps us connected and caring for each other. And something that hurts when one of us goes..

This week, I shed tears for a boy that left too soon, and one of my CANCER HEROES is being told that the end is near. As he said: his cancer exploded, is everywhere.

So I apologize for forgetting that the Fragility of Life thought me so much ... that I almost forgot that tomorrow is promised to no one..and I almost forgot that during some very hard and dark days I promised not to sweat the small stuff and smell all the roses that I could find...

Max: Rest in Peace !
Leroy: Enjoy each day! One foot in front of the other!

love to all.. with a very heavy heart ...

2 comments:

Amy said...

Hi, love!
I'm still waiting...tick tock tick tock until the oncologist calls with good news. Don't have guilt over how you are feeling. Please. Not every day can be perfect, even for us angelic survivors. :)
Will post as soon as I have info tomorrow... hugs kisses and lots of love to my favorite Swiss Miss!

Eliza said...

Don't feel guilty. You're returning to some semblance of normality and that is a GOOD thing. My youngest didn't have the Big C but was VERY ill as an infant and we didn't expect the kid to live, but now we have a three-year-old who looks to be staying quite a while, and I complain sometimes about the SHRILLNESS and what a TYRANT a child who wasn't medically stable enough to cry until 18 months can be quite a bit. Once in a while I catch myself and think about how lucky I am to still have the little bugger, but mostly I treat that one like the other two and tend to sort of "forget" the health stuff in the midst of the day-to-day parenting in the trenches. It's good to remember how fortunate you are BY COMPARISON, but guilt? No. Nobody's perfect, and I for one think you're heading in a a healthy direction (er, you know, mentally, not...yeah).