I have a friend who makes fun of my cancer analogies.
Last week as I watched the terrorist attacks in Bombay I could not help but think that the terrorist were acting like cancer. They were shooting anyone in sight. No reason ( even if some reports have confirmed that they were targeting and aimed to a specific group)
As my heart clinged in watching live on CNN these shootings , I compared them with my most recent Dr visit and its waiting room. A collective of lives. The elderly couple who seemed to be confortable in where they were, the mid forties gentleman who was busy with his iPhone but that thinning hair and a suit that clearly seemed too loose for fashion showed that maybe he was mid way through treatment. A woman who was biting her nails and I overheard her tell that that was her first appointment and she was waiting to hear what the tests showed. A young man, maybe 25 , bald but looking somewhat healthy. And then me.
Where is the analogy?
Well, much like people in Bombay that were dodging the terrorist bullets. .we were all there, trying to dodge the cancer bullet. Some were avoiding it for the 1st time, while others had suffered an attack before but were hiding in a dark corner so the cancer bullet did not hit them. I fall in that category, ... I hide , in the darkest spot, I stay quiet, I wait to hear that is all clear. But unlike the terrorist, No one is catching cancer and if it wants to get me.. it will.. I cant hide.
But I am hiding, staying very very quiet, and gratefully that Terrorist cancer has left me alone... it has plenty of other people to aim to.
This sounds a bit depressing, SORRY! It is not what is meant to . I feel good and hopeful that the beast will stay away. I am trying to take some steps in my lifestyle that will even diminishes the chance of the beast coming back. But the fear sometimes is just as raw as it was 17 months ago. If I sneeze one time too many, if I sweat a little bit a night, if I "think I feel something"...
But all is good... and I continue to be very very grateful and trying to find this such elusive place as "Moving ON"...
with much love and a belated thanksgiving to all