Woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend... Just when I thought life could not get any better I heard a knock on my door, it was Cancer.
It changed everything but not for the worse. I choose Life and Hope .
BACK OFF CANCER is what I say!

The beginning of this journey...shaving my head

The beginning of this journey...shaving my head
Me, Francesca, on April 1st 2007, the day I shaved my head....

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I don't know.. just don't know

I received a couple of emails from friends regarding my upcoming scans asking :

- But you are ok right? Wouldn't you know if something was up? You had to know!

The truth is , .. I just don't know... You see, most people that are diagnosed with Stage IV cancer have some serious symptoms heading to the actual doctor visit, they are feeling pretty tired ..and have lost some serious, unexpected weight.

Well... I had none of this symptoms... ZIP... But I did have an occasional night sweat and , as C. remembers well, ( I don't) , I also complained from a pain on my chest, kind of like "gas pain"... and just the day before I went to the ER . .I was laying at my dear friend and chiropractor table.. and I said these words: - If my heart was on my right side, I would have thought I was having a heart attack .. G. looked at me and called me a drama queen ( I know he feels bad about it.. he doesn't have to) I was what people would have called: The picture of good health.
That pain was a 13 cm tumor pressing on my right lungs.. and that lung had collapsed, but even THAT did not stop me from taking a 90 min kick boxing class that morning....

so you see... I was sick. .really sick... if they had not found this THAT EXACT day.. I had only weeks to leave.... But I felt nothing....

So it comes to the point: WOULD I KNOW ????

No.. I just don't know...
I try to ignore the fact that i sweat at night from time to time.. but it must be the summer and the heavy duvet

I also try to ignore that I sometimes have a pain in my chest .. but it may be the chest work out I did...

and .. if I am tired.. .it must just be that I haven't slept much lately...

so.. I don't know... I just don't....

lots of love

2 comments:

Amy said...

Swiss Miss...Sweats are also hormone levels being off. Or over-active as they are in my case. My brain is sending my ovaries hormones and my ovaries are pressing the snooze button. So my brain sends more hormones saying "Wake uppppp ovaries!" and they are like - "No! We're sleepy!"

Bottom line, you are right, we sometimes just don't know. And we won't know until they scan us and make the cancer light up like a Christmas tree on the report. I pray you don't have a Christmas tree. Not until December anyway, and then it should be a real Christmas with lots of pretty lights. Not neon radioactive cancer lights. No one should have those.

I miss you and think about you every day.

Anonymous said...

Dear Francesca,

I do get 'real' symptoms weeks before I am due for a checkup - and it always turns out fine. My doctor says all these aches and pains I keep experiencing are psychosomatic. I am confident this is the case for you as well.
Take care and very best wishes,

Karin